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a break in proceedings

early on tuesday evening, i will take my drum and join a group of bagpipers to traipse round several of the island's villages, interrupting those either having their tea or watching netflix, with the reputedly stirring sound of chanters, drones and percussives. on wednesday eve, i have been tasked with attending the secondary school's christmas ceilidh to take photos and review the event for this weekend's newspaper.

as you will have gathered from my thinly disguised enthusiasm, this will leave no time whatsoever to write about bicycles, particularly in the knowledge that the ceilidh review will also have to be written on wednesday eve.

probably back on friday.

tuesday 16 december 2025

we make these. buy one.

while the song says 'money makes the world go round', not entirely at odds with that contention is the possibility of substituting the word 'advertising' in place of 'money'. ultimately that substitution makes money for the advertiser and the agency that created the campaign; sadly, not you and i. however, even the original version was probably not inclusive of us either, so we're none the worse for knowing. digital media outlets such as youtube, facebook and instagram, dominate the world advertising market, reputedly to the tune of an annual £276 billion, very much to the detriment of traditional media.

it's one of the reasons why newspapers and magazines are in such a parlous financial situation. between 2000 and 2020, advertising spend in the latter dropped by an alarming 80%, underlining why my daily copy of the guardian newspaper costs £3.20. there is, however, the distinct possibility that advertising on social media is not reaching its expected audience. though at a far lower level than the sort of budgets handled by wpp, one of islay's hotels has long since refrained from advertising in the local press, preferring to do so free of charge on the community facebook page. however, for much of the year, their online advertising is aimed at the visiting public, rather than a local audience, yet, to access the community facebook page, an expectant subscriber needs to apply, outlining their connection to the island, if, indeed, one actually exists.

if we can accept that few visitors to islay will be aware of the facebook page's existence, by the time they learn of it and apply, they'll probably be on their way home on a calmac ferry. therefore that hotel, at admittedly no cost to management, is quite probably not reaching the market they think it is. however, even if those adverts are seen by visitors, they have the option of ignoring whatever is not of interest.

we might compare that with the sponsors' logos on world tour cyclists' jerseys; those too can be ignored because they do not impinge upon the images seen in print, online or the tellybox. that paradigm can be expanded by looking at their relevance. for instance, deceuninck make windows, but their services may not be available in a country near you. and, as a non-driver, an ineos grenadier is of no interest whatsoever. but then there's the adverts that interrupt, like those which appear on television - streaming and programmed.

in the dim, distant days of yore, watching obscure belgian cycle races online was fraught with pop-up adverts that appeared in the middle of the postage stamp broadcast, and which had to be endured for at least one minute before they could be dismissed and continue watching the hard-won event. clicking said advert invariably took the viewer to a replacement browser window, thus preventing the viewer from watching the cycling event for which they'd long searched. unless you have subscribed to youtube premium, not only will your potential viewing be preceded by non-dismissable advertisements, but subsequently interrupted by more. my query would be, who sits down to watch an art blakey and the jazz messengers concert (for example), then clicks through to any of the products advertised?

that being the case, is the intended result of the advertising spend not being seriously minimised? the cost of a youtube premium subscription in the uk is currently £12.99, removing all advertisements, allowing the ios app to be closed while continuing the audio stream, and offering the downloading of videos and audio from the included subscription to youtube music. yet a subscription to tnt sports complete with lengthy advertising breaks, is close to two and a half times the price of a youtube plan at £30.99 per month. it's an observation i have previously highlighted at length.

might i ask the question, who amongst tnt's target audience is the least bit interested in the advertisements that now interrupt live broadcasts, restricting the opportunity to watch every minute of each event? elite women's cyclocross events last approximately 50 minutes, while elite men's events top out at one hour. during the namur race on sunday, there was one ad break during the women's event, and two during the men's. previously we have had to suffer adverts only during on-demand broadcasts, with the opportunity to fast forward to the racing.

but in the twenty minutes or so between the end of the women's race and the start of the men's, the audience was treated to interviews, podium, brief highlights of the race and several shots of spectators wandering aimlessly from one place to another, inanely waving to the cameras when seeing themselves on the big screens. why not show the adverts then? bluntly put, youtube charges £12.99 per month to remove adverts, while tnt charges £30.99 to include them. this time last year i, and other subscribers to discovery plus, were paying £6.99 per month to watch the same races, ad-free.

my utterly pointless (because it will change nothing, where money matters more than customer satisfaction) e-mail to discovery's customer service, effectively a précis of the above, resulted in the explanation: "all discovery+ plans include ads, sponsorships, and promotions across channels, live events, and on-demand content. These ads help us provide the quality entertainment you enjoy at competitive prices." so how come they managed without ads for a fifth of the price last year? has the televising of cycle sport really become five times more expensive in the space of twelve months? competitive? compared to what?

and do the advertisers know that almost all of us dislike those adverts because they interrupt that which we've paid a lot of money to watch, and that, in general, we ignore whatever it is they're attempting to sell us? probably the very definition of a waste of money.

two sides of the same coin.

tuesday 16 december 2025

and the rest

during sunday's cyclocross race from namur at which mathieu van der poel commenced his winter 'cross programme, commentator, marty macdonald, mentioned that lars van der haar, in his final 'cross season, seemed to have discovered the benefit of rest, rather than upping the training intensity. that strikes me as the very choice that you and i would be likely to make; if we're not as fast as we thought we should be, or struggling a bit with the distances, then riding farther and faster would be the remedy required. only, maybe it isn't.

my short ride to debbie's for lunch on saturday, as described in yesterday's post, was, at times, a bit harder than i would have liked, predominantly at the behest of 80kph winds, low temperatures and heavy rain. not unusual for this time of year, but hardly the sort of conditions to encourage further riding. that was compounded by having arisen prior to 7am; possibly not an outlandish time for many, but i think it's worth my pointing out that i'm definitely not getting any younger.

i need my sleep.

i had arranged to meet my riding companion at 10:30 on sunday morning, at which point we'd decide where that ride would take us. however, awakening around 9am, it pains me to admit that the last thing i wanted to do, was go out on my bike on a morning highly reminiscent of saturday. raining lightly at the time, the forecast showed increasing wind speeds and heavier rain, leading me to e-mail, cancel my participation in the sunday ride, and head back to bed. (admit it; we've all been there.) believe me, doing so caused great embarrassment, a state of affairs that would undoubtedly have been made far worse had mrs washingmachinepost been awake to berate me further.

thus began a day of no cycling whatsoever, softened slightly by the response from my colleague in full agreement with my decision to cancel. of course, when i say 'no cycling', that didn't include my spending a happy afternoon (apart from the mid-race adverts) of watching both the women's and men's world cup races from namur, one of the sport's finest parcours. and it was during the latter event that marty macdonald made his perceptive comment about 'rest', providing the perfect excuse for my absence from the saddle.

it's not so very long ago that i wrote in favour of velominati's rules, several of which can be strategically used to bolster one's confidence and social standing within the community, while others are custom built to denigrate the rider(s) who had the audacity to beat me in the sprint at bruichladdich. however, it occurs to me now that, when i wimp out - as i did on sunday - either through sheer laziness, or no desire to drip all over mrs washingmachinepost's kitchen floor and spend the next three days attempting to dry a pair of cycling shoes stuffed with pages from friday's guardian. here's hoping one of those christmas presents contains a pair of (dry) winter gloves.

armed with this admittedly weak, bordering on transparent, excuse, i arrived at work this morning claiming that it wasn't the weather that had kept me indoors, but a clearly defined need to invoke a period of planned rest, ahead of a concerted attack on my festive 250. here's hoping it truly is possible to fool all of the people all of the time.

monday 15 december 2025

waste it wisely

idiot

out and about at 7am on saturday morning, the day looked to be a continuation of a remarkably pleasant friday, with clear skies, a bright quarter moon surrounded by stars and planets i'm completely unable to identify. yes, a bit on the chilly side courtesy of a strong south-easterly, but the ideal dawn set to foster a pleasant day's cycling, even if the parcours du jour was likely to be brief and to the point. disappointingly, that was the best bit of the day. by the time i'd dressed for action, all had clouded over and the rain had begun.

i admit, i hadn't paid particularly close attention to the weather forecast; yes, rain was prophesied, but, as it transpired, a lot more of it than i'd expected. cold, wet and windy are the ideal conditions for my rapha goretex shakedry jacket; thin enough to be flexible, with pink insulation and the ability to shrug off whatever amount of rain was due to fall. unfortunately, the jacket is black with the trademark left sleeve white hoop. in order to be seen, i paired it with a bright pink gilet; not waterproof, but visible.

in wet weather, especially at this time of year, i have become in the habit of packing a spare pair of gloves, which i can switch to on leaving debbie's. yesterday, i sought them out, but stupidly left them lying on the kitchen table.

by the time i reached usikentuie strand, the rain was a great deal heavier, with an increasing wind. as frequently mentioned, on saturdays i have long been in the habit of riding my cyclocross bike, allowing the luxury of swerving onto the grass and machair at the lower part of the strand, where the crosswinds are at their most dangerous. it is rare that those winds are not approaching from the left, entailing the risk of being blown into traffic due to unexpected gusts. when riding on the grass, should one of those gusts succeed, at least i'm going to have the luxury of a soft landing.

though i put my gloves on the heater at debbie's, there was literally no difference in their saturation when time came to leave into heavier rain and still increasing wind speed. once again, i turned onto the grassy section opposite foreland road end, but as i readied myself for the slog ahead, there was a brief moment when i thought i had punctured the rear tyre.

to paint a clearer picture, that particular section of the strand offers no shelter whatsoever, so had i indeed punctured, changing the tube would be somewhat of a challenge, made worse by my wearing saturated gloves and limited visibility through my darkened shades. and though the goretex kept my torso warm and dry, the lower half very much wasn't, making it entirely clear that i was a complete idiot.

thankfully i hadn't punctured, but i'm not exaggerating that i might have begun to suffer from hypothermia by the time i was able to effect a suitable repair. and yet only a matter of 12km from home. yes, islay's one of those places where someone would have offered a lift had i been at the roadside, but i wasn't; i was on a long stretch of grass past which there is continuous traffic in both directions, but little of which would pay much attention to a stationary cyclist. the wind at this point was approaching 80kph, and my garmin displayed four degrees excluding windchill.

this particular story has a pefectly happy ending, and though i apparently have a reputation for riding in the very worst of weathers, i doubt i'm the only one amongst the larger peloton. thus the moral has to be, either decide that discretion is the better part of valour and stay at home (which is precisely what i should have done) or just stay at home anyway. i believe we're proabably all fit enough to complete whatever distance we choose to ride, irrespective of the weather conditions, but the problems rarely occur when you're riding; they begin when something mechanical prevents that happening.

let's face it; it's winter in the northern hemisphere, and it's the west coast of scotland. if you fancy staying healthy enough to ride another day, make sure you're suitably dressed even if you have to stop for half an hour in wet, windy weather, in temperatures close to zero. no matter how well serviced your bicycle, and how conscientiously and frequently you check its wellbeing, shit happens.

look after yourselves and don't be an idiot like i was.

sunday 14 december 2025

waste it wisely

my heading today comes courtesy of the fine folks at rapha, included in an e-mail advising that this year's festive 500 will soon be upon us. for those new to the game, the inspiration for this annual outpouring of festive energy was former senior designer at rapha, graeme raeburn who, finding himself with a surfeit of spare time over the festive period in the latter part of this century's first decade, decided to see if he could ride 1000km between christmas eve and new year's eve. i'm happy to relate that graeme was successful, and the following year, when rapha was the artist formerly known as rapha, it was decided to create a similar challenge consisting of half the distance covered by graeme (1000km seeming just a tad too anti-social to succeed).

in the first year, 94 intrepid raphalites admitted to having participated, including yours truly, as it seemed the ideal means of avoiding watching endless tv repeats and having to visit friends and relatives. five hundred kilometres over the space of eight days requires a daily average of 62.5km, a distance for which i had planned ahead, taking into account that it was probably a good idea to constrain the christmas day ride to around half that. my choice of route, however, was completely upended by an uncharacteristic amount of snow falling on christmas eve, eve, and remaining in place for nigh on five days; almost unheard of on islay.

the first section of my planned route was along the main roads, all of which had been snowploughed and gritted, but one of the connecting singletrack roads hadn't been touched. and despite being aboard my cyclocross bicycle (at the time, an ibis hakkalugi), i was unable to ride fast enough to keep warm; i could feel neither my fingers or toes, rendering me unable to change gear or apply the brakes, and resulting in a couple of tumbles along the first five kilometres of untreated singletrack road (though i did have a soft landing and no injuries). i had thus to alter my route for the remainder of the challenge.

as i have advised on several occasions, islay is prone not only to periods of continuous rain at this time of year, but also the inevitable strong winds (the latter being repeated at the present time; we had no ferries for three days and it looks like none tomorrow either). so those 62.5 daily kilometres usually grow to nearer 80, allowing for at least one day being placed out of reach due to safety concerns. in ten years of riding the festive 500, i failed to complete the distance only once, after losing two days to galeforce winds and insufficient time to make up the shortfall. but there were plenty of consecutive days of heavy rain, meaning wet floors and a backlog of drying bibtights and jerseys.

after ten years, i figured i'd achieved enough, and i have now resorted to attempting a festive 250, coincidentally easily achieved by riding to debbie's and back each day.

however, the festive 500 was conceived as a challenge; it was apparently a bit of a spur-of-the-moment decision by graeme to ride through the holiday, and not something to which he had dedicated weeks of structured training. so it comes as something of a disappointment that rapha seem continually to move the goalposts (in a manner of speaking). firstly, a few years ago, they welcomed those undertaking the challenge on zwift, turning it, in effect, from an uphill challenge, into a bit of a hobby. where, i ask myself, is the comparison between riding in rain, wind, frost, snow, or sat on a bicycle in the sitting room watching the tv repeats that the 500 was supposed to avoid? if the latter was to prove a viable option, i feel a minimum of 2,000km ought to have been imposed.

in previous years, rapha has helpfully published articles by those who have completed previous 500s, advising those new to the game how they might best approach the eight days in december. this year, however, they have teamed up with matt rowe to provide "...structured workouts and top tips ahead of the challenge." to me, that seems to greatly undermine the original nature of the beast. there's no doubt that riding the festive 500 in inclement weather is a worthy challenge, but undertaking a training regime in advance surely alters the paradigm, and not necessarily for the best.

to all those intending to ride the 2025 festive 500 you have my undying admiration and i genuinely hope you succeed. but i exclude any who are planning on zwifting it and i'd suggest avoidance of any advance training. i was in my mid-fifties when first i rode the festive 500 and in my mid-sixties when i decided to stop. advance training was never a part of the equation, yet i successfully completed it a total of nine times.

if i could do so untrained and outdoors in all weathers, so can you. embrace the original meaning of the challenge.

friday 12 december 2025

it wasn't us

my art teacher at secondary school held a keen interest in amateur dramatics, leading him to form a school drama club through which we would present a play in the school assembly hall each year. i recall being stage manager for noel coward's blithe spirit and the earlier production of johnny jouk the jibbet, through which i learned not only how to properly stage manage, but to construct and paint scenery flats in a manner that allowed us to close in on a professional approach. my teenage apprenticeship subsequently allowed me to paint the scenery and backdrops for the annual school pantomime at my kids' primary school, a task i continued for several years after they had moved onto secondary school.

the fascination with scenery, other than the fact that i couldn't act worth tuppence, was building the end product, where, combined with astute lighting choices, created a stage convincingly like the interior of whichever room, or building interior was the setting for the action. wander round backstage, however, and the fallacy was all too apparent. often the scenery flats were painted on both sides, allowing for mid-play scene changes. each section of the scenery featured very large hooks at each side into which extendable stage supports could be hooked, kept in place by heavy weights on the floor. on tables and chairs were additional props that might be required by an actor. re-entering carrying a tray with four cups and a milk jug was a very convincing means of implying that said actor really had gone to a kitchen, boiled a kettle, poured the milk and returned to the scene eagerly watched by a captivated audience.

it is, in effect, the art of illusion; nobody should, for one minute, suspect that the whole enchilada could be dismantled in minutes, returning the stage to an empty platform to be occupied by the head teacher at assembly next morning. the same applies to theatres throughout the land; the suspension of belief is part of the cunning plan; we should simply enjoy that which transpires on stage without needing to be aware of how the production was realised.

the same goes for newspaper/magazine production. the text or narrative should be seamless, not drawing attention to itself, simply presenting that which the editor wishes his or her readers to encounter. page layout ought best serve its basic function: presenting words and illustrations in a neutral manner; unless the subject is graphic design, nobody should open a newspaper and marvel at how well the designer has arranged the page. that part should be quite transparent.

same goes for the words, unless the publication or website is concerned wholly with literary matters, or the writer is aiming to make a specific point.

which is why i do wonder about the latest entry into the world of cycling media - velora though i'm aware that a velora is a type of beetle, perhaps peter stuart and danny bellion didn't quite make it that far. perhaps their artificial intelligence programme figured that, as long as the title contained the word 'velo', what could possibly go wrong?

stuart is a former editor at cyclingnews.com, while bellion is former head of ai at financial technology firm capital on tap. their joint mission is apparently to rethink how cycling journalism is produced, making substantial use of artificial intelligence to automate as may of the processes as possible. they do, however, contend that they expect to keep human editors in charge of the end product. the press release, as revealed on bikbiz.com, pays great attention to their projected use of artificial intelligence, stating that bellion "has led the build of velora's technology stack, grounded in multi-agent ai pipelines", which, to be honest, is as clear as mud.

they further contend that "most online content has remained the same for the past 20 years", without, apparently, examining whether that might be by design. after all, if the audience wishes to read about cycling, the end result will surely be a reflection of what cycling is all about? and ultimately, that readership couldn't give two disc-brakes whether the content was produced by a large language model example of artificial intelligence, or a hard-working journalist who stayed up past their bedtime to ensure the article was wholly relevant and grammatically correct. to take a lesson from the world of dramatics, what goes on behind the scenes is not part of the equation.

yet despite this much-vaunted use of bespoke, cutting edge production technology, the end product looks set to simply continue the trend reputedly set over the last 20 years. take a look via the link below; doesn't it remind you of another recently created cycling website that makes great use of orange and black?

veloracycling.com

wednesday 10 december 2025

rules is rules

a number of years ago, long before covid became a topic of conversation, i met a group of visiting cyclists on a friday afternoon at debbie's in bruichladdich. they commendably acknowledged my presence as a fellow velocipedinist, before returning to their ordnance survey map of islay, over which much discussion ensued. since there seemed to be little in the way of agreement over whatever was their cunning plan, i interrupted the increasing volume of conversation, to ask if i might be of assistance? the reply, if nothing else, attested to their meteorological naivety.

four kilometres south of bruichladdich village, lies the larger village of port charlotte, a conurbation through which it is necessary to pass if heading to portnahaven and port wemyss (the latter, as acolytes will be well aware, is home to the mighty dave-t). the direct route is by way of twelve kilometres of disintegrating, single-track road, or a more scenic meander would be via kilchiaran on the atlantic coast, some five kilometres to the west, before following an occasionally hilly parcours to converge on the aforementioned villages of port charlotte and port wemyss.

it was clear that it was in this direction the party of cyclists intended to travel, but their question to me was which of the two routes outlined above, would allow them to shelter from the wind that had so far accompanied their every move. struggling to conceal my hilarity, i explained that in order for that approach to succeed, they would need a healthy dollop of htfu. for those unaware of the advice hidden behind the acronym, might i suggest that you take a look at velominati's rule #five, and get back to me later.

the recollection that this might have been prior to the arrival of the rules is based on the fact that none of them were aware of the meaning of my reputedly humorous riposte. on revealing the answer, i can but relate that much hilarity ensued.

until the arrival of the rules, concocted by the very tall and very american frank strack (whom i once met at a london cycle exhibition - if you don't quite comprehend the aura surrounding the rules, you most certainly would if you met frank), apprenticing as a cyclist was a far more fraught affair; who could you possibly ask about literally anything peloton-related without being given the stare of disdain, or harbouring suspicions that they weren't quite telling you the truth? if ever you doubt the veracity of the rules, pay particular attention to the next mountain biker that crosses your path.

mr strack and his colleagues created the velominati website in 2010, featuring the compiled rules as guarded by the keepers of the cog, rules that were reputedly inspired by a cycling acquaintance who, through no fault of his own, continually appeared dressed in mismatched kit allied to a disregard for conventional aesthetics. working on the assumption that this individual was unlikely to be the sole standard bearer, the rules were born. for those unfamiliar, i have posted a link at the foot of this article to allow for your further education. might i humbly suggest that you take advantage of this; the rules add welcome clarity to the way of the bicycle, allowing you access to the inner sanctum and a greater appreciation of that which you aspire to become a part.

however, it is not all good news; while every dog has its day, it seems that so had the rules. for a halcyon period of time, it was rare that a sunday ride could pass by without at least one discussion of a particular rule, or a situation where the inherent humour brought a smile to the face of all but the inevitable unbeliever. for those and the uninitiated, i feel i ought to point out that, while many of the rules feature a logical and pragmatic origin, they are, by-and-large, of humorous derivation. nobody really expects the world's pelotons to adhere to all 95 of them, though i'm led to believe that more than just a few have tried.

i was reminded of their present day, apparent absence from the collective psyche at the weekend, when my cycling accompanist, agreeing not to subject ourselves to the dramatically inclement sunday weather, reminded me that we had surely provided sufficient evidence of our adherence to rules #5 and #9. if you've read since the beginning, you will already be aware of the former,but to save you looking elsewhere, let me inform you that rule #9 states: 'if you are out riding in bad weather, it means you are a badass. period.' let me state that there is not a single member of islay's 3,200 inhabitants who would dispute that as directly applicable to yours truly and at least one of my colleagues.

with the velocipedinal realm in seeming disarray, and one particular professional displaying a propensity for winning everything set before him, it might well be the very moment in time to remind ourselves of the rules, and attempt to include them in our collective pedal strokes. similar to the rules, so doing is not mandatory, but again, similar to the rules, it should be.

probably.

the rules

tuesday 9 december 2025