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the secret cyclist. real life in the professional peloton. anonymous. yellow jersey press paperback. 216pp £14.99

the secret cyclist

in the middle of the last decade of the last century, a group of us on the island formed a blues band under the leadership of a gent who was, at the time, manager of lagavulin distillery. we called it 95 proof. in those days, there were a tad more local venues welcoming of a beat group than is the case today, but once satisfied with our general performance, we started to look more widely in order to satisfy the desire to gig.

aside from a few jazz and blues festivals across scotland, we were invited on two separate occasions to play the scotch malt whisky society rooms in leith (edinburgh), almost certainly on the basis of having a distillery manager in our midst. after both performances it was somewhat novel to be approached by a seemingly endless number of audience members, keen to engage us in conversation. this may be par for the course for guitarists, singers and the like, but i'm sure many drummers will back me up when i say, it is entirely uncommon for anyone to seek out the drummer (unless he's neil peart or buddy rich).

however, it collectively dawned on all of us, that the reason for their interest was not ourselves, per se, but the fervent hope that it would provide inroads to a conversation with the lagavulin distillery manager. given the nature of the premises, we should probably have twigged this state of affairs a bit sooner, but the expressed contention that distillery managers are the contemporary equivalent of rock stars, may just hold some truth.

i'm a bit unsure as to what they hoped to gain from this managerial interrogation; perhaps it was solely a case of being seen talking to one so privilieged as to be in charge of such a prominent distillery? or perhaps it was more that they hoped to be introduced to the inner sanctum, regaled with hitherto unheard stories and distilling secrets? i played with the guy for nigh on six years, yet learned only of two humorous anecdotes, so the audience's hopes may have been a tad misguided.

this desire to learn of happenstances known only to close participants in any activity, is surely the human desire that feeds the incessant celebrity culture, one that surely exists every bit as much in the world of cycle racing as it does in the life of simon cowal? thus, the publication of the secret cyclist by yellow jersey press could be seen to be either satisfying or increasing that particular velocipedinal inclination. perhaps unsurprisingly, the author wishes to remain nameless; yet it is odd to read in the pre-chapter one pages...

"The Secret Cyclist has asserted his right to be indentified as the author of this Work..." if you're anonymous, how can you (legally) identify with a published work, without revealing that identity if challenged?

the accompanying press release and back cover legend offer snippets of temptation, reeling in those of us who would subsequently wish to dine out on secrets of the peloton, expressed to the poor unfortunates who have yet to purchase a copy: why we should never trust a kit endorsement from a professional, what did the riders make of team sky? and is doping still an issue? the temptation to satiate the inquisitive mind may well prove too great for some if not many.

the author, we learn from his introduction, has been a professional rider at world tour level for more than a decade, having even finished a grand tour in the top ten. later revelations would tend to suggest the rider is of american origin, though that could simply be a decoy to put us off the trail. however, he states "I'm not hiding my identity as a gimmick ... I'm being mysterious because in my world, riders are meant to be seen and not heard." that seems an arguable point, but in the light that the author, at least at the time of writing, is still a member of a professional team, it's probably far less contentious to keep his identity a secret, than to risk inadvertently shortening an apparently successful career.

there will be many readers (i'm not one), who will search the pages for clues as to who the author could possibly be, a bit like those who watch hercule poirot episodes and attempt to identify the murderer. however, there's no saying that apparent clues have been contrived to put everyone off the scent. though i have no reason to doubt the veracity of his narrative, the inference of many so-called secrets could have been simply devised to cover his tracks even more thoroughly.

that said, there seem few, if any, revelations that live up to the hype on the dust jacket. i'm sure we're all well aware that bicycles, tyres, wheels and even clothing have been doctored over the years to provide riders with better equipment than that supplied by the team sponsor. this more or less answers the above statement regarding the advice to distrust and kit recommendations from pro riders, particulary in the light that they are paid to wear it and could find themselves in deep trouble if heard to be stating otherwise, whatever their true appraisal.

"We're told what to use and we have to be positive about it, even when it sucks. It's been that way since the beginning of the sport."

names are named on a few occasions, but nothing i could see, warranted secrecy of authorship. i think those who are interested in such tale-telling, are probably already aware of such matters. nothing to see here; move along. these are not the droids you're looking for. that being said, the secret cyclist is still a good read, providing an insight into the day to day world of a professional cyclist. i think many of us would have guessed it to be thus, but for those youngsters who are contemplating a potential professional career as a racing cyclist, it probably ought to sent out with every national or international racing licence.

the contemporary nature of the book is evidenced by the two chapters concerning the 2018 giro and 2018 tour, but other topics covered include: getting started, the season, the team, equipment, contracts and agents, crashes, team sky and doping, to name but a few. in the latter chapter, the author professes to be racing drug-free (though, given his anonymity, unverifiably so) and though i didn't come across any hitherto unknown revelations, the author is not slow to make his opinions clear.

"If a rider is innocent until proven guilty, the the results of an A sample should never be made public until the B (sample) is tested and everyone cleared or found guilty."

that, i believe, is an opinion worth making clear, because too many riders seem to have had the results of their a sample leaked to the press long before the b sample is even looked at, making them almost immediately and unconstitutionally guilty. the author, like many associated with the modern-day sport, surmises that widespread drug use in the peloton, has substantially diminished since the armstrong era. however, on the subject of armstrong "...he was the best at doping and more methodical than his dirty rivals. [...] There's nothing in the UCI rule book that says you can't be an arsehole, or that you deserve a special kind of damnation simply because you didn't get caught as quickly as the others did."

the secret cyclist provides an enjoyable and occasionally enlightening read. it is particularly well written, but nowhere near as revelatory as its publicity might have you believe. this means either that there are still dastardly deeds too dastardly to reveal in public, or the exact opposite. either way, it's definitely worth your time and money.

sunday 2 june 2019

twmp ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................