it's a great big scary world out there, made even bigger and scarier on discovering that the very vocation that you figured was your destiny (luke) isn't as straightforward as it appeared on the surface. as a world famous artist in waiting, i took hold of my drawing board, grabbed a roll of brown sticky tape, and placed a soaking wet piece of watercolour paper in the centre and taped it firmly to the wooden surface. the artistic reasoning behind this is that, as the paper dries, it contracts to present a perfectly flat surface on which to apply one's artistic swooshes.
only, it didn't quite work out that way.
the paper stretching went well, or at least as well as can be expected. what didn't work out quite as planned were the swooshy paint marks. though you might infer from my current situation that i never did get the hang of those swooshing bits, i would beg to differ. granted, i never quite managed the stature of jmw turner, or paul cezanne, but some of the paintings bore an uncanny resemblance to the objects they were intended to depict. of course, it would be the true simpleton who remained satisfied with his lot and attempted not to move things forward a tad.
since there seemed little likelihood of my artistic ability improving in unheralded leaps and bounds, i opted to move gently sideways by making my very own paper on which to make those rudimentary marks. though google will likely now present chapter and verse on how to carry out this basic procedure, this was in pre-interweb days, so a modicum of research was demanded, research that offered much but ultimately failed to deliver. there can be no denying that i did indeed make paper, the problem was its porosity (if there is such a word). drawing with pencil or charcoal realised some interesting results, but applying watercolour via a sable brush was not the cutting edge of artistic aspiration.
i like to think i'm not a soul who gives up at the first knock-back, but it pays to know when you're beaten. other than a few bicycle wheels, i have made no attempt to win the constructors' championship in any arena ever since.
however, there are those of far greater tenacity and skill than i, fearless in the face of continuous development, one of whom has a small shop in bowmore main street. from within these premises one can find almost home-made clear soap interlaced with spirit from the local distilleries. not unnaturally, in order to protect her intellectual property, the proprietrix does not advertise the method of manufacture. yet, this is not universally the case.
visit, however briefly, the website of the bakewell soap company, and under the heading sud's law, the following entreaty can be found. 'New to soap making? Have a question about making soap? Then we might be able to help you in this section. Here you'll find information about the equipment you'll need for cold process soap making.' you cannot help but admire a company that freely offers to provide the wherewithal that has presumably brought them to their current economic state. it's marketing jim, but not as we know it.
however, intrepid in the marketing states though the bakewell soap company undoubtedly is, they are intent on moving in a lateral trajectory by appealing to those of us of an athletic hue. for apart from the aforementioned soap, there is now an after exercise deep muscle rub, a product which inhabits a rather cute little 30g metal tub containing said rub. amongst the soothing and active ingredients are the quaintly named salicyclic acid, claimed to relieve aches and pains, cineol to relax muscles and joints and the all but unpronounceable sesquiterpenes to reduce inflammation and bruising.
of course, though i may be in possession of one or two artistic abilities, i certainly do not have the first notion about chemistry or biology, thus the foregoing information has been gleaned from the information supplied by the bakewell soap company. however, features such as these are why i would pay £6.95 for the compact and bijou tin of lotion, though to be entirely truthful, they can say what they want about the unpronounceables, because whatever they're called, they appear to work.
i have been jesting on my return from a hard day in the saddle, fending off interminable potholes while grovelling into a galeforce heawind, that i can feel the strain in those deep muscles. however, after she has finished laughing, mrs washingmachinepost has been keen to point out that i may not even have muscles, let alone deep ones. i am, however, nothing if not entirely sceptical of the claims made by purveyors of creams and ointments, but declamatory conjecture does one no credit if unwilling to test both proof and pudding.
thus having showered after battle, i have been massaging those deep muscles with the bakewell soap company's after exercise relief rub and i would be doing them a massive disservice were i not to mention that the darned stuff works a treat. it's a simple test to check how hard those muscles have worked during the sunday morning ride if creaking and groaning can be heard and felt while ascending and descending the stairs, a factor that usually lasts at least until monday morning if pelotonic endeavour has been gargantuan in its effort.
however, a mere five minutes kneading and prodding both thigh and calf muscles with the muscle rub, and by the time after-tea dishwashing rolls around, i was once more walking like a normal human being, with legs that felt suprisingly refreshed. tim wiggins of the wight racing cycle team, a fervent endorser of the product has also testified to its efficacy. "It has made a real difference to my training this winter, easing up problem spots in the cold weather. A great natural product."
according to the bakewell soap company, the after exercise muscle rub is available throughout the uk from independent stores, or, if you have difficulty finding a tub, it can be purchased direct from the company's website
as the saying goes, 'it does exactly what it says on the tin'
tuesday 12th march 2013..........................................................................................................................................................................................................