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spain to norway on a bike called reggie. andrew sykes. summersdale publishing paperback 352pp illus. £9.99

spain to norway on a bike - andrew sykes

i would dearly love to be that seasoned traveller who blissfully accepts the major or minor wrinkles in carefully laid plans, with an enviable degree of insouciance. "yes, perhaps i was intending to depart on the last ferry of the day, but having missed it by a matter of minutes is no biggie." i would casually relate to anyone within earshot. plane delayed by 16 hours? well, these things happen.

and i've no doubt that they do happen, but i would largely prefer that they didn't happen to me. where am i going to stay? do i have enough money? how will i now make all my other connections? why on earth did i leave home in the first place? you can talk amongst yourselves if you like, but which of the above is the more likely scenario?

i will shortly leave the safety of the hebrides and attempt to ride from hampton court, london, all the way to the eiffel tower in a matter of three days. and though i have no real misgivings about the bicycle part (other than perhaps, the portended heat in french france), i'll admit to a slight uneasiness about the journey to london town in the first place. since this will take place by way of a boat, two buses, about three trains and a couple of overnight stays, from my point of view, the potential for at least one of these to go horribly wrong is quite high.

of course, when i'm sat on the hotel bed, but a matter of a mile or so from le grand départ, i will deny having even brought the subject to your attention.

i therefore have great admiration for andrew sykes (and his ilk) who, on what appears little more than an idle whim, decided to ride reggie (a very famous ridgeback bicycle) all the way from the southern tip of spain to the northernmost point on norway. in effect, the longest path, north to south on mainland europe. by comparison, my own concerns as to deciphering the islay bus timetable in order to reach the ferry prior to its departure seem like a walk in the park (except, islay doesn't have a park).

mr sykes has featured in these pixels on two previous occasions. as a former teacher and now serial adventurer he has crossed europe and cycled along the med, both of which have also seen publication in book format. it has to be admitted that none of his three attested journeys are particularly unique; even in the current volume he meets at least two others attempting remarkably similar traversings of the continent. but what gives him a considerable advantage over any other you care to mention is not only his ability to capture the salient aspects of his trip(s) in print, but by means of an excellent writing style and an almost unrivalled sense of humour.

if comparisons are allowed, think bill bryson, but possibly funnier.

...I proffered my printed credentials. 'I'm on a mission to promote environmental understanding and education', I might have added if I hadn't been pretty sure that he was some kind of Spanish secret agent."

the above mentioned quote was due to the author having had to apply for specific credentials allowing him to depart from tarifa, the southernmost point of spain, on the grounds that it was a restricted military area. and here's where arises that insouciance of which i spoke earlier; andrew was unaware of this potentially calamitous start to his expedition until having arrived on spanish soil. rather than accept this as being an immovable object, he applied for and received exemption from the restriction. however, in order not to break the conditions "it would be necessary for me to 'realise a project aimed at promoting...etc., etc."

though ostensibly a travel book in which the perpetrator has chosen a bicycle as his travelling companion, we learn remarkably little about reggie other than, like most bicycles, he developed a clicking sound that simply wouldn't go away despite the ministrations of more than a single bicycle mechanic. eventually, a rebuilt rear wheel solved the problem, but getting there advertised the author's distinct lack of fettling ability. to be honest, that underlines one of the book's finest aspects.

virtually no bike talk.

andrew's ultimate destination of knordapp in norway is situated 71 degrees, 10 minutes and 21 seconds north of the equator. subtracting the specific location of his point of departure created a journey encompassing a total of just over 35 degrees. to helpfully reinforce this fact, each short chapter is entitled using the degree through which the author travels, an idiosyncratic but delightful eccentricity.

the very best travel books all but exclude details of the method of travel; a bicycle is a bicycle is a bicycle, whether it's inches away from the northern tip of norway or almost excluded from a spanish military base. adventure is the subject and we, the readers, want to be enlightened, educated and entertained in a manner that draws attention to none of those.

..."a Tasmanian born Aussie of Scottish parents who first met the Crown Prince in a pub in Sydney during the 2000 Olympic games. Born Mary Donaldson in 1972, she is now Her Royal highness, The Crown Princess of Denmark, Countess of Monpezat and Knight grand of the Order of the Elephant. Now that's successful social climbing."

and lest you think that mr sykes, well travelled on mainland europe, had found cause to forget the history of his own land, such is dispelled on his ride to copenhagen. having opted to shorten the journey to the danish capital via a slight detour, he was privy to a lesson in roof thatching from a female danish thatcher by the name of petina. along with her boss, she was in the process of re-roofing a pretty cottage at a cost of £40,000, a roof that she said would be likely to last for around forty years. on enquiring as to whether there were many female thatchers in denmark, the author was informed that petina was likely the sole female practitioner after having trained for four years, but on telling sykes that she intended to visit england to see how british thatchers do their job, he silently answered...

"Shut down the mines, introduce a poll tax and ignore any opposition." quite so.

if i was of a mind, i would have invented a scale against which i might measure the humorous content of any book i am fortunate enough to review, but until i get round to doing so, 'spain to norway on a bike called reggie' will serve as the benchmark. rarely have i laughed out loud so frequently in polite company; if you're reading on the train just be sure you're not seated in the silent coach. i know all of us here are seriously into bikes in one way or another, but every now and again, it's nice to sit back, removed the armwarmers, take the helmet off and revel in the adventures of a man who, if he didn't exist, would need to be invented.

travel writing (with a bike) at its very best.

thursday 13 july 2017