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obstacles

saturday's guardian newspaper, in its regular long read feature, wrote about the impending pedestrianisation of 0.6 miles of london's oxford street, a change which, the article implies, has been debated almost as long as the present day mayor, sadiq khan, has been alive. however, it appears that, in the case of oxford street, pedestrianisation is not simply a euphemism for the banning of motorised traffic. unlike glasgow's sauchiehall and buchanan streets, both of which have long been pedestrianised, under the impending changes on oxford street, "cars, lorries, vans, taxis, buses, bicycles, e-bikes, scooters will be banned.'

in principal, that seems like a particularly valiant attempt to make life more congenial for oxford street shoppers on two feet, though somewhat at odds with the mayor's ambition "...to create a greener city that is oriented around public health, walking and cycling." however, since anecdotal evidence would suggest that few cyclists currently risk their lives by cycling along oxford street, perhaps it's no great loss.

however, as government and cycling activist groups continue to point out the merits and health benefits of getting about by bike, at the risk of descending into pessimism, it strikes me that there are ill-winds (literally, in some cases) that just might mitigate against wholesale adoption of two wheels as a principal mode of transport. just as several, including yours truly, have pointed out in recent times, the apparent expectation that those who took to the saddle during covid lockdowns, would continue to enjoy life behind bars for the foreseeable, was fundamentally flawed. i distinctly recall pointing out that it would take only the first rains of autumn to persuade the pandemic velocipedinists to once again reach for the car keys. for possibly the first time in my career, i was proved correct.

and it is those very conditions that might exert greater implied pressure to exclude cycling as a pragmatic, economic transport solution/opportunity as the world continues to change.

much has been made recently in media reports, about the government's upcoming advice to maintain around three days' worth of supplies to mitigate aginst what the future might hold. this advice, while mostly thought to be as a result of potential cyber attacks, or russian belligerence towards the west, the prime minister was also moved to include adverse weather, given greater creedence this parrticular weekend by the double whammy of two closely proximitous atlantic storms: austen and the curiously named boelo.

as i write, the latter of those has been strafing this promised land with winds approaching 100kph, accompanied by heavy rain. already a portion of the roofing material has been detached from the bikeshed, and worse is forecast to come on the windy road to midnight. a presentation of humperdink's opera, hansel and gretel by scottish opera has been postponed from 7pm this evening, until 4pm tomorrow afternoon, given the met office's amber wind alert across the period of performance (in the local high school). the length of the opera, including an interval, would have had the audience leave around 10pm, at which point the wind was expected to be reaching between 110 - 130kph, depending on which forecast you believe.

however, even as a cyclist who probably ought to know better, i have written off this weekend in its entirety. not for a minute will my cyclocross bike leave the relative safety of thewashingmachinepost bike shed. and yet, i am one of those cyclists who, over the past forty years, has cultivated the skill of riding in weather conditions about which others would think more than twice. what then of the recent convert, who is attempting to renounce the motor car in favour of the bicycle? granted, my location is not entirely conducive to such an option; on moving to islay and discovering that nobody (literally nobody) else rode a bike for transport, the principal reason i faced was 'the wind'.

it was a few years before i learned entirely of what they spoke, even though it causes me a lot less inconvenience than it does everyone else. that hasn't stopped several youtube channels producing videos enlightening the great unwashed as to the ins and outs of riding in the rain, riding in the wind or generally, riding in bad weather. i can only assume that these are not specifically targeted to cyclists on scotland's west coast, the majority of whom will be well acquainted with all three outcomes. i do wonder if rapha are aware of the irony of the subject heading of the e-mail that landed in my inbox on thursday; to wit: 'the weather never wins'. much as i'd love that to be true, this particular weekend has proved this to be a complete fallacy.

and if the first named storms of the season can halt those of us well prepared (apparel and tenacity wise) for such conditions, i can only imagine how those less invested in the 'pain and suffering' paradigm will fare. after all, andy burnham did not exclude the prospect of worsening weatheer conditions from his government's advice to stock up on supplies. if meteorology is indeed about to become less user-friendly, don't expect a wholesale switch to the bicycle for transport, no matter the price of a barrel of brent crude.

i should perhaps point out that rapha's marketing missive also included a link to their guide to 'riding in winter'

image: rapha

sunday 25 october 2026

virtual reality

as february 2024 followed the first month of the year, apple computer bestowed the world with its first, and so far, only, virtual reality headset, the vision pro. according to the manufacturer's hyperbole, this would "...seamlessly blend digital content with your physical space", claiming that "the era of spacial computing is here", notwithstanding the knowledge that others had already released their own virtual reality headsets.

apple's visual demonstrations of the vision pro's capabilities were particularly impressive, encapsulating as they did, the spheres of entertainment ("transform any room into your own personal cinema - with more pixels than a 4k tv for each eye"), a spacial photo gallery, games and a dedicated travel mode. additionally, apple promised a workspace with 'infinite space', enabled by a mac virtual display, widgets, apple intelligence, all controlled by a magic keyboard and trackpad, '"redefining how businesses run". you can perhaps understand why i used the adjective hyperbole.

however, you will also note that i used the word impressive when describing apple's demonstration of the device's capabilities, but how did those demonstrations translate into actual sales? understandably, apple is somewhat guarded about those numbers; you'll note that it's only when a product acquires substantial sales in excess of those expected, are we provided with reportedly accurate numbers, however, industry estimates lean towards 500,000 - 600,000 units since its launch in february 2024. by comparison, it's understood that the twelve-month production target for the recently released iphone duo is 14 million units.

the purchase price of apple's vision pro is £3,500, a premium of £1,500 over the cost of the base iphone duo (though if you load the duo with every practical option, the price can reach £3,200). to that extent, the lack of comparable sales for the vision pro is not necessarily as a result of the price tag, but might possibly rest on the fact that the device is perceived as heavy, or that the world is not yet ready to immerse itself in a virtual world. either way, the best that can be gleaned from cursory examination of the above two products is that a healthy bank balance is required to acquire either.

and the price of admission to the online world of cycling forms at least a proportionate part of my oft-voiced disdain for the genre. aside from the cost of whichever bike you choose to fasten to your indoor smart trainer, the cost of the latter must be added. admittedly, this can be as little as £300 but rise as far as £2,500 for a wattbike atom, though in the case of the latter, you'd still have spent money on the road bike sitting forlornly in the bikeshed, fortunate if it ever sees the light of day, even on bright, sunny occasions. assuming you opt for the market leader in the indoor, online cycling market (zwift), you'll need to shell out an additional £180 each year to participate in the wonders of watopia.

there's also the possibility that you might require an additional flat screen tv, if only to stifle any complaints from the rest of the family. that's probably another £200 at least, or maybe you'd prefer the ipad option, in which case that's probably £1,000 for the practical minimum (although ipads are available for less). assuming you consider yourself a member of the cognoscenti, after buying yourself a tadej colnago replica, you'll be well north of the cost of a vision pro. however, at the risk of incurring the wrath of the indoor cognoscenti, it's not only the cost aspect that has me disparage the zwifties. that rests predominantly on the fact that riding indoors in front of a arbitrary set of pixels is simply not cycling (and it sure as heck not gravel cycling).

however, if there is a common target of disparagement by the velocipedinal cognoscenti, it's probably golf, commonly regarded as "a waste of a good walk" in truth, there's no satisfactory reason for dissing a sport that nobody forced us to play in the first place. a good many of my friends spend way too much time playing golf, and i'm sure my constant ribbing has gone well past the level of tedious, an implication that i have done my best to ignore. however, it transpires that golfers, far from aiming their spite in the direction of the peloton, have an equivalent of the zwift paradigm from which to extract the michael.

forming a part of the extensive range of products proferred by the garmin corporation, an edifice which many a cyclist has regarded as 'on our side', comes the r50 golf simulator package. this consists of a garmin approach launch monitor, a sim 6 enclosure, a simspace impact screen, a tee turf hitting mat, a benq ah500st short-throw laser projector and the necessary hdmi cable connector. purchased as a package, incurring a £250 discount over purchase of each item separately, the intrepid indoor golfer will need an eyewatering £8,037. and to take full advantage of such garmin largesse, you'll need a room that measures a minimum 3.5m wide x 2.7m high and 5.0m long.

reputedly, the average golf club membership costs £1760, so for the cost of garmin's apparent reality aberration, our hypothetical intrepid golfer could have four and a half years' membership of his or her local golf club, where they can gain the real benefits of real golf in the real outdoors.

at last the zwifties now have their one and only good reason to be smug.

saturday 24 october 2026

condescension

one of the problems of teaching pipe band snare drumming to beginners is the apparent ease with which the experienced drummer practises his/her art. it looks deceptively simple to achieve. piping, on the other hand, looks difficult from the get go, an apprehension that is every bit as true as it appears. the intrepid learner will begin on chanter, the part of the bagpipe which points downwards from the bag, and offers the piper the opportunity to play whichever tune has been decreed. unfortunately, if you happen to be in a nearby drum corps, practising alongside on rubber drum pads, accompaniment is fraught with interludes for breathing.

though i believe it is possible to practise circular breathing, so called because as air is blown through the mouth, the practitioner simultaneously breathes in through the nose. a rarefied number of top grade pipers and saxophonists are able to demionstrate this technique during their respective performances, but for what i hope are obvious reasons, this might be a smidgeon beyond the capability of the rank beginner. those interspersed breaths rarely seem to allow the hypothetical chanter players to maintain a recognisable sense of time, thus rendering any localised accompaniment null and void.

committed pipe band drummists will have already sniggered at the included humour, paying attention to the knowledge that, with one or two exceptions, bagpipers below a certain grade, exhibit no recognition of timekeeping whatsoever.

as it transpires, and i know from first-hand experience, drumming is a whole lot harder than it looks, realisation of which inevitably ends in a sense of disappointment and that there is a very high mountain to climb. pipe band drummers, in common with america's dci drum corps, rely entirely on drum rudiments to create the often overtly technical patterns required by both styles of performance. and in order to grasp technical fluency in any and all of those rudiments, it is necessary to practise them slowly and deliberately, only increasing the tempo when mastery allows.

i cannot deny that it's hardly the most exciting way to occupy your time.

given that pipe band snare drums are specifically designed and constructed to offer unparalleled volume in the great outdoors, instruction and practice generally takes place upon a rubber practice pad, a combination of wood and rubber that reputedly approximates the feel of a real drumhead, but actually doesn't. this means that there are no melodies to be learned, and after having played snare drum for more than 55 years, my practice regime sounds little different than that of the beginner, though perhaps a tad faster and smoother. so while the pipers can move onto the goose (an air bag with chanter, but devoid of the three drones) and then a full set of pipes, as their skills improve, an ageing drummer such as yours truly is still confined to a dark corner of the practice room, tapping away in the background.

heaven forefend that percussive sounds interrupt the lengthy bagpipe tuning ritual, apparently designed to be repeated several times per evening.

though it may be a strange admission from a drummer who has been associated with a pipe band since 1992, i'm not actually all that keen on the sound of the great highland bagpipe in the first place. i'm sure that the pipe majors under whom i have worked believe that i'm only joking, but it's true. that does not, however, disavow the notion that playing in a pipe band is anything but hard. to achieve almost perfect harmony between ten pipers and ten drummers throughout a lengthy performance, is arguably harder than playing jazz, rock or country music (delete as applicable).

i mention this because it is only a matter of days before tickets go on sale for the grand départ in edinburgh at the start of those three weeks in july 2027. there are apparently 9,000 tickets available to the eagerly constituted. according to the comic's website, the event will begin at 18:.30 on wednesday 30 june on the esplanade outside edinburgh castle and will involve the producers of the annual edinburgh military tattoo. but the comic goes one stage further to enlighten those velocipedinists who may not have previously heard of the edinburgh tattoo. and, in obvious anticipation of cycling weekly's sales completely tanking north of the border, they described it as 'a bagpipes and dance show'.

to place in perspective: the edinburgh tattoo attracts an annual audience in excess of 220,000, averaging almost 9,000 people each evening, and has done so since the 1970s. approximately 30% of that audience hails from scotland, 35% from the rest of the uk and around 35% (70,000) travel from overseas. each season features more than 800 performers and the global tv audience is estimated at 100 million. ticket prices range from £58 to over £216. exclusive dining and hospitality packages are closer to £1,000.

cycling weekly's senior writer and deputy features editor should probably not holiday in scotland and i'd advise that he keep well away from the annual world pipe band championships in glasgow at the end of august.

wednesday 21 october 2026

anticipation

we have discussed at length, the fencing of uiskentuie strand by islay estates and the consternation this has caused for the dog-walking population of islay. the strand consists of a 3km stretch of grass and dunes bordering the seaward side of the main road between bridgend village and bruichladdich. in fairness to the estate, it is their land and thus subject to the agricultural demands they wish to place upon it, but prior to the full length, roadside fencing being installed, the ground had accommodated weekend walkers, dog walkers, but disappointingly, also motorhome owners and hirers determined to avoid paying for a hook up at the nearby port mòr campsight in port charlotte. and, due to its location, many of those walkers were guilty of parking their cars pretty much anywhere they saw fit.

the official reason for fencing the area was to encourage breeding of the endangered chough, a member of the crow family, numbers of which have been in decline on islay for a number of years. reputedly they feed on the dung beetles that frequent the cow pats resulting from grazing cattle on the strand, and that, in short, is the principal reason behind the protests against the fence installation. while the sheep which usually graze on that stretch of land are largely untroubled by pedestrians, cattle are another thing entirely. for one thing, they're a lot bigger than you or i, and prone to bouts of belligerence, particularly around dogs, whether on a leash or not. and while i'm happy to ride through a herd of sheep, i'm inclined to remain as far from cattle as is practical.

though there is no need to ride on the grass when heading to debbie's for a bout of froth supping, it's a habit in which i have invested several years, hoping to impress upon passing motorists on the road, that i possess the kind of cyclocross skills about which they can but dream. of course, we all know that is very far from the truth, but there's no real harm in attempting to fool all of the people all of the time. thankfully, whether by design or accident, the estate seems to have taken to moving the cattle to the opposite side of the road at weekends, meaning my cameron mason impersonations can continue unhindered.

which, i like to think, is a timeous coming together of several related strands (pun unintended). tnt sports has already broadcast its first televised european cyclocross race of the 2026/27 season from meulebeke this past weekend with the opening round of the telenet super-prestige trophy series coming this sunday. that's followed at the end of the month by the first round of the x2o badkamers trofee series, after which we're well and truly down the cyclocross rabbit hole.

but cyclocross is already here.

saturday's race, the berencross from meulebeke, saw the first appearance of former world champion, fem van empel since she took a step back from the sport in the early part of the 25/26 season. and just to add to the joy of watching 'cross once again, those first few laps of the men's race saw the field headed by scotland's cameron mason (though he subsequently finished in 6th place). i have long said that the three grand tours, the spring classics and one day uci road races simply get in the way of the next cyclocross season, and i still believe that to be the case.

it's now time for a real sport.

tuesday 20 october 2026