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cleanliness is next to impossible

the trials and tribulations that originate in thewashingmachinepost bike shed are, i'm well aware, no more important or unique than those experienced by others. but, in the process of dealing with some of them, there are fundamental questions that arise which i subsequently feel honour bound to trouble you with.

we have previously discussed the infraction that was visited upon my challenge chicane rear tyre, a happenstance which forced the installation of a challenge strada 33mm on the front wheel, while the chicane that previously occupied that space was swapped to the rear. as we conversed at the time, there's really no legal precedent for mandating the same type of tyre on both wheels simultaneously, though my incredibly mild ocd which, if you mention, i will strenuously deny, would prefer a pair of chicanes or stradas, just to ensure any imbalance in the universe is avoided. to restore the heavenly equilibrium, therefore, i ordered a single chicane which i had planned to fit yesterday afternoon.

with the crux accommodated on the workstand, i sat on the back step to remove the strada from the front wheel, before manfully wrestling a brand new chicane into place. and i really do mean 'wrestle'. unfortunately, i had just forced the final centimetre of bead over the rim when i noticed a repeat of the problem on the existing rear tyre that had sidelined its predecessor. at this juncture, i can but point to pilot error; the maximum pressure stated on the sidewall of each chicane is a lowly, but perfectly adequate 40psi, a pressure that i believe my ageing park tool track pump is incapable of accurately displaying. in other words, i'm pretty sure i have been guilty of over-inflating, causing the tread to separate from the sidewall.

however, with a reasonably lengthy ride to undertake on saturday, i decided discretion to be the better part of valour; i removed and discarded the damaged tyre from the rear wheel, before taking the new tyre from the front wheel and installing it on the now naked rear wheel. unfortunately, i'd then to repeat installation of the strada on the front wheel from which it had just been removed, bringing me right back where i'd started, but with a brand new rear tyre. this time, i employed my cycplus electric tyre pump to inflate the tyre correctly, because it allows me to digitally set the maximum pressure. on reaching that point it cuts out.

in order to maintain a good impression upon those with whom i was cycling on saturday, i then degreased the chain and cleaned it in the hope that its (almost) pristine condition, would mark me out as the nearest we have to a professional on the island. and that's when i noticed the state of my eleven-speed cassette, the grubbiness of which cleverly concealed the former shinyness of said eleven sprockets. aghast that i had let things slide to such a degree, following inflation of the rear tyre and prior to refitting the wheel, i opted to remove the cassette, douse it in wd40 and polish each sprocket individually before reassembly.

that's how the steel-hearted professional achieves warm feelings of velocipedinal pride.

at this point, one of the questions to which i briefly alluded earlier in this monologue, reared its ugly head. polishing the cassette, i admit, had been purely for aesthetic reasons; at that point, i hadn't actually considered mechanical efficiency. but could it be that the latter is over-rated? after all, those eleven sprockets had presumably existed in their embarrassing condition for more than a matter of minutes. and during my recent cycling exploits over the course of several months, i cannot truthfully say that i had noted any lowering of mechanical efficiency, or indeed, any propensity to malfunction.

so, despite a phalanx of products designed to keep the drivetrain in pristine condition, despite the current trend for waxing the chain and despite several youtube videos demonstrating how the great and the good keep their chains, cassettes and chainsets looking brand new, are we actually sure that so doing makes any real difference? admittedly, when i concentrated on bicycle maintenance of a commercial nature, i had one customer (since sadly departed), who simply added more oil to his chain each week without prior cleaning. when the bicycle finally made its way to my care, it was hard to distinguish the chain from a belt drive.

of course, if riding in mud is your regular modus operandi, i seriously fear for your transmission if you simply stick the bike in the bikeshed until next time. but for most of us who indulge in normal bike riding - even if that includes riding on the grass at uiskentuie strand - provided all is regularly lubricated, is a bit of dirt really that much of a problem? surely gravel was not invented by the persil brigade?

while i leave you to ponder that invaluable contribution to bicycle science, i'm off to order another challenge chicane tyre.

saturday 25 july 2026

growth is a six-letter word

on thursday, i received a press release from argyll & bute council, highlighting its resolve to make inroads into the perceived housing crisis reputed to be affecting the region. it's a crisis that, despite my having asked the questions, remains something of a mystery. taking islay as my example, the current population is marginally lower than was the case when i moved to the hebrides almost forty years ago. yet the level of housebuilding that has taken place on the island over the last two decades is by several orders of magnitude higher than the previous two. yet apparently the so-called crisis is nowhere near being solved. there are two principal building contractors at work on islay, neither of which are accepting new building work, due to the amount already being carried out. several of those building private homes on the island, have had to engage the services of mainland contractors to have the work carried out before planning permission runs out.

according to the council, this particular crisis is in sore need of being solved in order that the region's economic growth not be stunted by a lack of homes.

that particular admission has brought me to query (not officially), why it is seen as imperative that economic growth be stimulated, apparently at all costs. i can fully understand why economic growth is desirable, but not why it appears so imperative. what, i find myself asking, was wrong with the economic stability that has seemingly existed for those almost forty years? why is it that businesses, institutions and governments all seek perpetual growth, an ideological achievement that is pragmatically impossible. at some point on the histogram, growth has either to level out, or begin its decline; nothing can continue to grow in perpetuity.

this is a state of affairs easily observable in the financial markets, where share prices have a propensity to drop, if only because un-named analysts find themselves disappointed that profits were less impressive than they had predicted. only in human endeavour could businesses become less valuable because their multi-billion pound profits levelled out at £50 million rather than an expected £52 million.

granted, economic growth ought best infuse the treasury's coffers with increased tax receipts, but even in periods when that has occurred, there seems to have been little tangible benefit for those paying those increased taxes. year after year, britain's regional councils point out the substantial gap between the money they need and that bestowed by central government; yet we are regularly informed that the country has benefitted from stimulated economic growth. at whatever level of purported growth we find ourselves, life is what it is.

having once again queried matters concerning the economy which i continually fail to comprehend, i wondered if similar questions ought to be levelled at the velocipedinal realm, where growth is also often a highlighted factor, particularly by groups such as cycling uk and british cycling, to say nothing of local and national government. all of the above make continual mention of desired growth in the number of members of the population utilising cycling as their principal means of transport or leisure activity. to an extent, that does make some sense, when not considered in isolation. when it comes to climate change and greenhouse gas emissions, bicycles have a considerably better reputation than motor vehicles, whether fossil-fuelled or electric. but at some point in the paradigm, growth changes from desirable to aspirational; an end in itself as opposed to a means to an end.

though it's eminently possible that the hierarchy within cycling uk and the respective department within central government would claim that the sooner they become redundant, the better, in fact, successfully promulgating an increase in those riding bicycles is that which keeps them in gainful employment. were society at large to place an upper limit on the number of cyclists the nation is willing to accept, achieving it would surely result in voluntary redundancy?

as far as i'm aware, there are no motoring organisations which spend their time and funding, strenuously attempting to enthuse the great unwashed as to the health benefits of driving. cars are what cars are; freewill allows society to choose any motor car they wish. yet, if the bicycle truly is the transportational/leisure device of the future, why is so much time, effort and money spent on persuading folks to ride them? if it's as brilliant as we all know it to be, surely, like the motor car, it would sell itself? are we perhaps diverting our attentions to the matter of growth in cycling when we really ought to be making better use of our time and energy?

of course, as with so many of these daily monologues, my question is rhetorical, because i simply don't know the answer(s). but perhaps we ought to set aside, for the moment, the subject of growth, especially when we are in danger of mistaking the pointing finger for that of the moon.

friday 24 july 2026

rssc sports cycling kit

in the days when computers from apple followed the unwritten diktat that they could be any colour as long as it was beige, that fact bothered me not one whit. from a functional point of view, the colour of the external cladding seemed of little consequence; as long as photoshop did as it was told in timeous fashion, or indesign didn't stumble when rendering my latest sentences, the colour of the computer was of little concern. i will admit not only to having owned a blue imac but an orange clamshell ibook into the bargain, but to a certain extent, just like the beige that preceded it, there wasn't a great deal of choice in the matter.

admissions such as the above are not intended to paint me as conservative (with a small 'c'), rather than a fun-loving extrovert, but simply one allegedly able to separate form from function. after all, i do own a blue art decor colnago c40 and a molteni orange master x-light which surely says it all? but confirmation of my underlying boring-ness can probably be still identified when time comes to choose my cycling apparel. a black, blue or even red jersey matched with black bibshorts is frequently my uniform du jour, though i do possess a stone-white waterproof jacket; the other one's black.

the problems began when rssc sports offered to send a cycling kit for review, one that could be chosen from their extensive range of co-ordinated jerseys and bibshorts, a range which is unashamedly bright, sparkly, different and very definitely not the clothing you'd chose if the inner you is a shrinking violet. purely from personal observation of visiting cyclists, it's possible that i am in a couture minority amongst the velominati. midst the options available for choice were designs labelled alien creatures, haida native turtle, kokopelli and colourful abstract. for someone claiming to be at one with computer beige, this was scary stuff.

however, after lengthy deliberation, i opted for that which you see in the accompanying illustrations. listed as plaid, it's resemblance to a warm tartan, applied to both the jersey and bibs, seemed an apposite choice for a scottish velocipedinist. thankfully, in all my long years of reviewing cycling apparel, there seems to be little variation in the sizing of product sourced from all across the world: medium in jackets and jerseys, small in bibs and tights. on receipt of the goods, the sizing was darned near perfect. should you opt to follow in my tyre tracks, i'm somewhere around 70kg, 1.75m in height and with a 75cm waist.

as it transpired, very uncharacteristically for a hebridean cyclist, my first ride clad in plaid was undertaken in 21 degree heat, wearing a short-sleeve jersey with an appreciable (and very welcome) collar, a full-length zip, the requisite elasticated three rear pockets, though there may be some difficulty in acquiring matching arm warmers. those pockets comfortably accepted a (literally) pocket-sized electric tyre pump, a tyre-jack, a torque-wrench with various attachments and the necessary essentials case with coffee money. i don't ever recall wearing a short-sleeve jersey on which the sleeves moved about, and i'm happy to say that perpetuity continued. the gloop along the hemline ensured that, despite some negotiations on a 14% incline, the only thing that moved was me.

though i probably shouldn't say, the notion of wearing bibshorts which continued the plaid pattern about their person was not one i was particularly endeared to, but it's hardly a factor when cycling, and at least there are black portions to hide one's modesty. the leg grippers kept the shorts precisely where i left them, providing a relatively sharp tan-line above the knee for the first time this summer. my one gripe would be the padded insert, which is probably just a smidgeon on the thick side; there was no instance of chafing, but it did initially feel as i'd placed a cushion on my saddle. and it could be that, just like flann o'brien's third policeman, eventually the molecules of shorts and cyclist will interchange and glorious comfort will ensue. subsequent bike rides would indicate that might be a possibility, but essentially, a slightly thinner pad might be a suggestion.

i'd imagine that every cyclist in the world has become well-acquainted with the washing machine, unless you have the good fortune to be contracted to a tour de france team. it is perhaps one of the few genres of apparel which finds itself being swirled with gusto in soap-infested water after only a few hours of productive activity. and, as i mentioned in a recent monologue, less expensive offerings are often found not to resemble their original condition when pinned to the wash line. these are not they; though i have not owned these particular items long enough to know for certain, after the first few washes, all seems good and proper.

rssc sports also sent me a long-sleeve jersey and a pair of (unlined) bibtights, the review of which will have to wait until the weather changes for the worse. but, very much in the company's favour, the price of admission is embarrassingly low; jersey and bibshorts currently retail via the rssc sport website at £33. at the time of writing, there's a sale taking place, and several jerseys and bibs can be purchased for a mere £19 (including this jersey only, if you'd prefer your shorts all-black). it's very hard to argue with that.

sizes range from small all the way to 4xl, and i think you'd have to be very hard to please not to find something on the rssc website that takes your fancy.

rssc sports

thursday 23 july 2026

mistaken identity

i have repeated this particular (true) anecdote on a previous occasion, but given its relevance to today's monologue, i think it worth giving it another airing. many years ago, the local leisure centre applied for a grant to replace the building's internal lighting with light emitting diodes (led) in order to reduce both their energy bill and carbon footprint. the funding was ultimately granted (pun intended), but came with more than just a smidgeon of environmental baggage, requiring the management to implement an additional programme with environmental benefits.

management elected to create what was entitled wisp, an acronym for whisky island sustainability project, responsible for encouraging cycling, walking, car sharing and one or two associated projects. in fact, i actually gained training in cycle leadership, passing the final exam with flying colours, but still awaiting the certificate to prove it (after more than two decades, i think that's probably a lost cause). unfortunately, i think the only individual who actually believed this might make a difference, was the young lady appointed to oversee the project. due to the nature of islay and jura communities, it's really not a problem to get a lift from a neighbour, or even someone passing through the village.

and given that i had personally spent the previous dozen years attempting to persuade the population to ride bicycles with not one iota of success, the notion that a short-term, two year sustainability programme might succeed was very probably a bit of a non-starter. sadly that turned out to be the case. however, one aspect of the project was the acquisition of an early model electric mountain bike, which oddly, could be lent out free of charge, but not rented; the leisure centre was barred from earning any money from the bicycle.

as it transpired, when the e-bike was delivered, the project leader was on holiday, so the centre manager asked if i would take the bike for a trial run. the bicycle adhered to the uk pedelec regulations, with its speed capped at 25kph; however, when explaining the various parts of the bike, the distributor told me that if i held down the two buttons on the battery display for five seconds, that would over-ride the limiter, and the bicycle would achieve a top speed of 48kph. and, probably every bit as illegal, though the motor was actuated through pedal-assist, it was also possible to power the bike via a handlebar mounted throttle.

in the light of a recent news release from cycling uk recounting the ill-advised assessment of an e-bike by birmingham constabularly - they identified it as being of the s-pedelec variety (and therefore illegal in the uk) - there is more than just a modicum of relevance. the leisure centre bicycle i described above would easily have passed any tests of illegality, unless the police had been armed with the information concerning the two buttons on the battery display. yet, take a wander around glasgow's sauchiehall street in early evening, and it's easy to spot demonstrably illegal e-bikes being ridden by pizza delivery riders; yet the police drive past without so much as a second look. if the rider keeps pedalling as the bike moves at a relatively sedate pace, there's really nothing to advertise the level of illegality, and no doubt the police have more important tasks with which to deal?

in the case highlighted by cycling uk, the reputedly illegal e-bike was not only confiscated, but subsequently destroyed, despite belonging to birmingham bike foundry. in video evidence posted on youtube, the police 'verified' its non-conformity, by spinning the pedals to demonstrate that the speedometer could exceed 25kph, seemingly unware that any e-bike is capable of so doing; the test is whether the motor is still engaged past 25kph. this particular bike, it turns out, was completely legal, and cycling uk are now challenging the police in court to have the penalty against the rider dismissed (including six points on his driver's licence), and the bike foundry compensated for the loss of a £6,000 bike.

obviously enough, either the police had not been correctly trained in such matters, or had simply adopted an error-filled means of testing of their own volition. but following on from my recent observations as to the increasing complexity of the velocipedinal realm, it now looks as if there are already a slew of unintended consequences fostered by what might legitimately be regarded as complexity for complexity's sake. hydraulic disc brakes, wireless gear change mechanisms, electric motors powering disturbingly illegal bicycles, misuse of which can cause untold harm in the hands of the untrained. the latter can be seen almost every weekend on islay, when groups of visitors (predominantly teenagers and those in their early twenties) riding bikes for the first time since they were about ten, seemingly unaware of the traffic surrounding them and the fact that they really should be paying more attention.

when a bicycle-friendly country like the netherlands has had to introduce legal constraints against use of certain e-bikes on cycle tracks, you know that things are not heading in the direction envisaged by the oft-misguided industry.

remember when radiation was supposed to be healthy?

wednesday 22 july 2026

fixed gear

somewhere, in the cupboard under the stairs, lies a vintage copy of barnett's bicycle manual, though i'd be fibbing if i said i knew which particular edition, and, if memory serves correctly, it is accompanied by a couple of editions of sutherland's handbook for bicycle mechanics. if i'm completely honest, i bought all the above in the early 1990s if only because of absent peer pressure. i had decided that at least one branch of my future career would be that of bicycle mechanic, and a bit like having to own a drumset if planning on being a drummer, i thought purchase of those distinctly american books would enhance my credibility.

the more astute amongst you will already know that such was a completely false hope.

while barnett's manual provided exactingly detailed steps on how to undertake a wide range of tasks likely to be experienced by the common or garden bicycle mechanic, sutherland's was more a compendium of measurements, charts and specifications relating to cycle componentry. you would be perfectly correct in your assumption if you are already thinking that both books would be pretty much out-of-date by the time they were published, since not only would new components have been introduced as both went to print, but new methodology would undoubtedly have arisen in response.

and echoing the situation experienced of art college versus real life, akin to taking an entire term to produce a single poster in graphics studio, barnett's procedures were painfully laboured. to wit, when adjusting the cones on a wheel hub (many will be wondering just what a cone actually is), the mechanic was advised to use the correct cone spanner on the cone on one side of the axle, while holding steady the locknut on the opposite side. the cone was then to be rotated a quarter turn before checking for play, and continue to do so, quarter-turn at a time, until resistance could be felt when rotating the axle. at that point, the mechanic ought best to loosen the cone a quarter turn before tightening the locknut to maintain the cone adjustment.

should play or drag be recognised after the locknut was tightened, the locknut should then be loosened once again and the adjustment process re-visited. you can surely imagine the temperament of the bike shop owner, should his mechanic employ such a laboured approach to repairs. i can assure you, after undertaking the above process a couple of times, it would only be a complete numpty who continued to adhere to barnett's laboured instruction.

i'm unsure if any bike shop still introduces either volume to their apprentice mechanics; the last print version of barnett's was the 5th edition in the early part of this century, following which it went online. and, as i understand, the publisher was purchased by another, and all seems to have come to naught. sutherland's is still available as a book and pdf, but i've no idea how up-to-date it is. (anecdotal evidence would suggest its contents have not been updated since 2004.

whether there is any demand for contemporary editions of either of the above would surely depend on economic concerns; after all, the mail order catalogues that used to form a substantial pile adjacent to mrs washingmachinepost's side of the bed, are now consigned to history, having moved online where updating can be done in the twinkling of an eye. unfortunately, online is not the most convenient format for a bicycle mechanic attempting to hold bearings in place while adjusting the preload and turn the page while wearing a pair of blue, grease-covered park tool rubber gloves. and aside from that, when i made use of barnett's and sutherland's in the mid 1990s, bicycles were a great deal less complex than they are today.

the very thought of attempting to replace a hydraulic brake hose that disappears into the frame void via the head tube is the sort of procedure that would keep me awake at night, as would having to assess why an electronic gear system fails to operate. though i'm not proud of it, i once had to purchase a replacement rim brake after inadvertently snapping the centre bolt. thankfully, that wasn't particularly pricey, but i'd hate to think of the cost of replacement of a damaged electronic derailleur, should my interpretation of the manual prove to have been somewhat error prone. proper bike shops, i'd imagine, would have appropriate insurance.

bicycles, for what it's worth, are way too complex these days. while the industry adds feature after electronic feature with wild abandon, a portion of the drum industry has headed in the opposite direction, releasing a very expensive snare drum based on a model from the 1940s. i own one of these, a single-ply drum which arrived at the croft in mid-june, only two weeks after its release and which is simplicity itself to play and operate. the tension rods even make use of the same tuning key which originated in the 1930s.

far be it for me to say which one is right and which is wrong.

tuesday 21 july 2026

portent of doom

i could be well wide of the mark, because it's a country to which i have never paid a visit, but i'm willing to wager that there are none too many citizens of northern alaska who commute to work by bicycle. granted, average temperatures for this time of year in anchorage are not alarmingly different from those experienced in the hebrides (present conditions notwithstanding), but i note that the temperatures in autumn somewhat undercut those here in the centre of the civilised world. this is not an indictment of road or traffic conditions on america's most northerly state, but simply a reflection in the prevailing weather conditions. doubtless there are those happy to buck the trend and cycle, but i still believe my supposition to be largely correct.

as mentioned yesterday, my bicycle remained ensconced in thewashingmachinepost bikeshed in favour of my playing bass drum with the pipe band. sometimes a man's gotta do , what a man's gotta do. however, i cannot deny that, midway through the march from frederick crescent, turning through 90 degrees into charlotte street brought us into the path of the prevailing northerly wind, cool if not freezing and a tad breezier than had been the sheltered portion encountered from beat one. but, in islay terms, that's how it was appraised: a breeze, largely welcomed to minimise the effects of untrammeled sunshine. it is/was no doubt a welcome situation in the majority of island and coastal locations. i doubt any of us in the hebrides would welcome the stifling temperatures experienced by those living in the big city.

however, while dining al fresco at debbie's on sunday lunchtime, we met two visiting cyclists whom we had passed nonchalantly en-route to froth supping. they had subsequently ridden past what passes for a 'hail fellow, well met' wave as they headed south, but for reasons of their own, had circled back and landed at the outdoor table adjacent to our own at debbie's. it transpires that they were visiting for a mere three days, having realised too late that this was simply not long enough to appreciate all that islay and jura had to offer. indications were that they planned to return at some point in the future.

however, the young lady enquired of yours truly, whether i had been cycling on saturday which, as we already know, was a negative. having replied thus, she pointedly responded to express the problems the two had experienced in saturday's wind. trying hard not to be too blasé, i gently advised that saturday had not featured a wind, but simply a sturdy breeze, and that if it was wind that they sought (knowing full well that was precisely the opposite of their wishes), that they should perhaps join us once again in november. and that, i believe might be somewhat foreboding for the future of cycling in a number of locations, but not least of all, scotland.

we have previously discussed the folly of the cycle industry during and after the covid lockdowns. with the world's population taking all measures to avoid infection, and the government's perspicacity in allowing bicycle repair shops to remain open, adoption of the bicycle as a safe means of transportation brought succour to those in charge, who (mistakenly) thought the dramatic increase in sales had finally brought the dawn of the bicycle's transportational dominance. of course, we (and they) now know how wrong they were, a fact that was really never in doubt.

covid lockdown coincided with remarkably amenable weather conditions in which the new adopters of velocipedinal joy were more than content to ride. but, despite many claiming the era of the bicycle had finally arrived, those of us who have always been in it for the long haul well knew that it would take only the first signs of wet autumnal weather, and those bicycles would find themselves consigned to the back of a garage or bike shed.

and we know who was right.

the heatwaves that have affected mainland europe and southern england recently are, according to meteorologists and climate change scientists, only the beginning. we are led to believe that dramatic changes are afoot in the north atlantic where the currents responsible for the transfer of cold water from the arctic and replacement with warmer, equatorial waters, might be in the process of breaking down. just how that might affect world weather systems is largely unknown. the hebrides has, ever since i moved here, suffered from occasional storm-force winds, bordering on two notable occasions, on hurricane status. it has always been thus, explaining largely why the islands are sparsely populated with trees, and why our houses are apparently more sturdily built than those in the south of the country.

but, if climate-change science is to believed (and it seems to have been right more often than wrong), things are changing, and not necessarily for the best. the couple met over lunch at debbie's were largely typical of cyclists visiting the hebrides; entranced by the islands' beauty, but a tad unprepared for the wind. should the latter be on the increase, strengthwise, hopes that improvements to britain's cycling infrastructure, and hopes that britain's commuters can be persuaded to leave the car in the driveway in favour of riding a bike, could be derailed before they've even begun. when i moved here almost forty years ago, i was confounded to learn that i was the only cyclist on the island. on asking why that might be, the standard response constantly referenced the perennial winds that strafed the islands. nothing has really changed in the last forty years. despite my admittedly subtle lobbying of the population, there are, at best, only another five or six who regularly cycle.

the portent of climate change might have ended a potential renaissance before it has had a chance to begin, not necessarily because it might deliver on its promises, but because it provides excuses with which it is harder to argue. while mainland regions may not have suffered from windspeeds taken for granted on the outer edge, there's every likelihood that's about to change.

monday 20 july 2026

own it

you would tend to think that a newspaper office, even in modern times, would be replete with pens, offering a regular opportunity to scribble down pertinent notes in response to information provided over the phone. you would perhaps surmise that i would have educated myself to arm myself with just such a writing implement prior to calling someone, or when the phone rings, yet despite years of learning, no such happenstance has come to pass. in this day and age of wall-to-wall celebrity, you'd expect everyone to perambulate the streets of the world, armed with a black, indelible ink fibre-tip, on the off chance that they might come across somebody only moderately famous while purchasing a vegetarian quiche for sunday's tea.

the above should be viewed as a sweeping generalisation, one that takes little to no account of individual eccentricities, the exception to the rule being perfectly portrayed in a youtube short that i came across on saturday, while waiting to head off to port ellen in order to beat the living daylights out of a bass drum as part of islay and jura community pipe band. we were the leading part of the parade marching from the co-op to the ramsay hall and port ellen playing fields in which the annual sports day was due to take part.

the video showed visma-lease-a-bike star, wout van aert and an unidentified cohort, riding an anonymous mountain road, when hailed by a female voice as they passed at moderate speed. the true star that he is, wout paid attention to the voice's pleas to stop, by slowing and turning back to meet with his fans. at this point, the camera turns to a male protagonist, ready and waiting with a yellow and black visma jersey, accompanied with a felt-tip pen at the ready. even van aert can be heard asking if the fellow carries around a visma cycle jersey on the off-chance of meeting wout van aert?

disappointingly, the tik tok length video ends before we discover whether that is, indeed, the case.

however, the point of my tale is not to frame the oddity of travelling with a jersey and pen, but the almost devil-may-care ability demonstrated by van aert as he interrupts what i assume was a training ride, to cater to the arguably impudent requests of his fans. as i mentioned yesterday, if i have need of turning left when on the bicycle, the result is less than smooth and would never convince an innocent bystander that i have full control of my bicycle. in this case we are, of course, talking about one of the sport's finest bike handlers, a rider whose appearance at any winter cyclocross race is greeted with a substantial increase in attendance at the particular event. likewise, mathieu van der poel.

the top-line speed of van aert is hardly in doubt. this is the fellow who outgunned tadej pogacar at this year's paris-roubaix and on the montmartre stage of the 2025 tour de france. he's also a past winner of the tour's green jersey and has been word cyclocross champion in the past. but rather than attempt to equal the power and speed of one of the sport's finest practictioners, personally i'd be far more interested in equalling his command of the bicycle. granted, many of the bike handling skills demonstrated by the professionals are acquired as necessities of the job, several at the behest of quickly changing direction at speed. but, at more than twice the age of van aert, it seems very unlikely those circumstances will place themselves in my path.

i think i might begin with perfecting the ability of mounting the bicycle in the manner required of cyclocross riders, something i have been promising myself for more than a year, yet no nearer to achieving. it is an ability i once possessed, but squandered through lack of use, so i do have the methodology; all that remains is to set aside the time to re-learn. then the next time i accidentally become the subject of someone's youtube or tik-tok movie, i will come across as the expert bike handler that is currently concealed within the realm of fiction.

sunday 19 july 2026

ambidexterity

somewhere in the darkest recesses of the sitting room, are one or two dvds purchased from across the pond, and consisting of american marching drum corps practising in the lot. filmed at rehearsals or just in advance of competition, most of them commence in early daylight and end with the floodlights in the parking lot. these drum corps are the crême de la crême of american marching percussion, a status achieved apparently by lengthy and repetitive practice, with a coach situated at each end of the substantial snare drum line ensuring that, as the drummers play four strokes with the right, followed by four strokes with the left, each stroke is consistent in height, weight and delivery. as a drummer with a relatively low tolerance for repetition, i consider myself fortunate that i was never a member of such a percussion section.

pipe band and cover bands are bad enough.

that said, i did, at one time, consider implementing a similar, if less tedious practice schedule for the pipe band corp of which i was a member for a number of years. the problem, aside from the obvious, was my habit of leading with my left hand. traditionally, pipe band snare drum scores, as with american marching corps, are written with the right hand as lead, based on the common knowledge that the majority of humans are right-handed. should a drummer be a lefty, he or she would usually have to learn to alter their stroke. my habit of starting with the left, however, continually put me out of step with the others.

of course, even though the majority of rudimental drumming consists simply of patterns created by alternate sticking, there is the performance aspect to consider, where eight, ten or twelve snare drummers executing learned patterns simultaneously, is regarded as visually pleasing. if you need reference material to verify this contention, search on youtube for switzerland's top secret drum corps. other than visual stimulus, however, you may ask why it would make any difference with which hand any sequence of notes is begun? and, to a certain extent, i could understand why.

however, based on a smidgeon of personal observation, and a quote from big band swing drummer, gene krupa, perhaps all is not as it seems. krupa said, "I had no idea of the wide range of effects you could get from a set of drums. i picked up from zutty singleton and baby dodds the difference between starting a roll or sequence of beats with the left or right hand and how the tone and inflection changed entirely when you shifted hands. those drummers did it nonchalantly as though it were a game."

i couldn't agree more.

and while on youtube, you might also look up a drumeo video by drummer, brian tichy, demonstrating a triplet fill by led zeppelin drummer, john bonham. according to tichy, bonham, though essentially right handed, began many of his fills (and this one in particular) with his left hand. i can assure you that attempting the exercise by starting with the right hand, renders it less effective and, strangely, harder to execute. drummers who make a lifelong study of technique, will do their level best to even up the dexterity of each hand, practising each exercise first with one hand and then the other.

of course, i'm reasonably certain that the majority of those reading are not drummers and probably have very little intention of changing that state of affairs, but is it possible that gene krupa's observation might have implications elsewhere on the ambidexterity spectrum? for instance, how many of us start each bike ride with the right foot? does cyclocross rider, michael vantourenhout gain or lose any advantage from the fact that he dismounts/remounts on the 'dirty' (chainset) side of the bike?

as a 'righty', i clamber aboard my bicycle, right leg first, clip in the left foot, then lead off with my right. would there be any benefit either moving off with my left foot, or practising to the point where my cycling legs become comfortably ambidextrous? it's a consideratin that really only affects the grand départ; once in motion, it should have no bearing on forward motion. or does it?

if i find it necessary to turn in the road to head in the opposite direction, i will almost always turn to the right, yet track cyclists ride the velodrome anti-clockwise. and, as i descended foreland hill last sunday, on meeting oncoming vehicles, i hit the brakes hard, with the emphasis on the rear brake, actuated with my left hand. the latter action has, of course, a certain degree of pragmatism; had i pulled harder on the front brake, there's a danger i might have face-planted over the bars.

so, the next time you find yourself in the peloton during a long sprint stage, to relieve the boredom, you could deliberate on that which we have discussed today.

you're welcome.

saturday 18 july 2026

of little consequence

by happy coincidence, i scheduled a bike ride to the northern ferry port of port askaig on wednesday of this week when the weather actually made the ride less fraught than is generally the case during my away days. as previously advised, i have no particular problem cycling in the majority of weather conditions at the behest of the hebrides, but if i'm cycling for business purposes - as was the case in this instance - i'd very much prefer not to arrive dripping wet, emulating the appearance of the proverbial cat dragged through a hedge backwards. if i am set upon by the weather on the return trip, so be it.

though there have been occasions in previous years when the sun has shone for up to and over a week at one sitting, but these have been very few and far between. the current spell, categorised as a heatwave much farther south, has at least the benefit of being lightened by sea breezes (in both directions, oddly enough), so my bike ride to complete an article about the islay lifeboat charity shop, turned out to be far more amenable than could have been envisaged at the time of scheduling.

currently, port ellen pier, in the south of the island, is closed for more than two years while it undergoes a substantial (£107 million) upgrade to accommodate the two new, turkish-built ferries, one of which currently plies the route, and to be joined by the second later this year. so, for the foreseeable future, all ferry traffic will sail to and from port askaig to kennacraig on the kintyre peninsula, despite port askaig pier owners, argyll & bute council, having apparently done nothing whatsoever to upgrade the northern port. there is so little by way of vehicle parking at the port, that islanders travelling to the mainland for any length of time, are unable to leave their vehicles for transport on their return.

while that may seem an unremarkable set of circumstances, you should know that the bus service ends at 6pm each day and is non-existent on sundays. many have to choose their ferry travel with care.

however, almost to the day that port ellen closed, scottish and southern electricity network (ssen), responsible for electricity transmission across both islay and jura, opted to install a substantial cable under the road surface, leading from the ferry port to a junction box at the top of the 14% gradient that leads from the ferry port almost to the caol ila road end. this has meant that traffic travelling to and from the ferry has to contend with temporary traffic lights allowing contractors to dig a deep trench through the road surface. for fairly obvious health and safety reasons, the works are separated from the usable section of road by substantial plastic barriers, rendering passage as a not-very-wide, single track road.

as i approached the descent to port askaig, the lights changed to red, and i stood for several minutes awaiting them to alter once again, to green. before setting off again, i waved through the car which had remained in line behind me; it seemed only courteous not to unduly hold them back from their destination.

because this part of the road sports a 14% downward-facing gradient, even freewheeling took me the full-length of the traffic light section in a timeous manner, and i was able to reach the shop at the appointed hour.

the afternoon ferry arrives at port around 3pm, departing once again close to 3:30pm, so my visit had taken into account the traffic likely to be flowing in each direction, and bearing in mind that drivers disembarking the boat have a disappointing tendency to drive at mainland speeds on island roads, i'd rather not get caught up in that. after half an hour of questions, conversations and photographs, i donned my helmet and shades to head off back up the hill. on the point of doing so, i recalled seeing a bumper sticker on a tiny, vintage motorhome that said 'if you think this is slow, wait till we go uphill'.

port askaig brae consists of two parts: the gradient on the first section up to the 180 degree hairpin bend is 9%, while past the bend, it increases to 14%. having not ridden this for several years and now in 21 degree heat, i cannot deny i was a bit circumspect over my ability to ride the hill without having to dismount. however, i fared better than expected before i'd to stop midway up at the behest of another red traffic light. pretending that i didn't need a rest, when the lights changed to green, i clipped in and headed upwards once again.

now, at the risk of restating the obvious, on a hot day, riding a 14% gradient, there was no danger of my imitating tadej pogacar, nor, if truth be told, the grupetto. yet, long before i reached the matching set of traffic lights at the other end, i met two vehicles heading along the same narrow stretch of road in the opposite direction, because, quite plainly, insufficient time had been allowed for the necessarily slower members of islay's road traffic.

i have no idea how times of passage are calculated in these circumstances, but quite plainly, bicycles are not factored in at all. and though i believe we've more-or-less become accustomed to being treated as second-class road citizens, it does seem rather iniquitous when it comes to intentional road safety. i have made attempts to contact the contractors, pointing out the error of their calculations, but i harbour little chance of their paying any attention.

bicycles matter too, you know.

friday 17 july 2026

up in flames

the col du rspb (i believe it's on strava, so you could probably look it up), is relatively short, though on a bad day, it feels as if it goes on for ever. i don't actually know the specific length, though i do know that the gradient tops out at around 12% at least twice. on sunday, as a result of the wind direction, ascending took place in almost windless conditions, a fact that was clearly marked by the heat. that's not much of a common problem in the hebrides. though i have been assured that all is about 85% well with my heart, the fact that i could clearly feel - and hear - it beating rather quickly, did little to assuage the situation.

i'm really not sure if scottish people are built for the heat, but i'm fairly convinced that this particular scotsman isn't. pervasive cold, accompanied by driving rain and gaelforce winds; that's my wheelhouse. though i and others habitually check the weather forecast on an almost daily basis, this far west, i don't believe we've broken the heatwave barrier, meterologically set at 25 degrees celcius. in fact, looking ahead over the next few days, it would appear that a brief period above 22 degrees is the best we can expect.

personally, that will more than suffice, particularly when there's almost always a cooling sea-breeze to take the edge off. i'd far rather be toiling on a bicycle in such weather conditions, than sitting in a car, even with the windows open, something i may have to get used to for a while longer, as the long-range forecast shows little by way of respite from cloudless skies, blue sky, and wall-to-wall sunshine. all across central europe, people are suffering from excessive heat and destructive wildfires; at the beginning of the week, i spoke with a friend setting off for a spanish holiday, when the same results could likely have been achieved when sat in her back garden.

when conducting modest research several years ago into the intricacies of journalism, one particular article cited weather as a sure fire means of selling newspapers. good or bad weather seemed to make no real difference. in summer, as we read of grilling temperatures in the present, it's not too unusual to read prognostications of unbridled cold and snowdrifts in december. then, when december arrives, the same newspapers will foretell either of an apalling summer or more heatwaves. and there seems to be no accountability for getting it wrong.

though the world is full of naysayers, i'll cheerfully admit to being convinced of the veracity of climate-change and the impending need to head towards net-zero as soon as is practicable. since the news media is expected to have at least a tentative grasp on reality, and a responsibility to report the facts as they currently appear, it seems that, in the uk at least, we are not being served. according to recent research by imperial college, london, over 2,700 people died from overheating in the uk in may this year, yet the energy and climate intelligence unit (eciu) has revealed that out of 2,500 media articles reporting the above, 72% of the reports excluded any mention of a connection between the heat-related deaths and climate change.

meanwhile, the north sea drilling industry is lobbying britain's soon-to-be prime minister to allow new search for fossil fuels, reputedly the cause of climate-change in the first place. and though it's a slight digression from the point i have yet to make, a report in the guardian newspaper on tuesday, highlighted to inexorable increasing size of contemporary motor cars. the growing popularity of so-called sports utility vehicles (suv) has resulted in an average increase in vehicle bonnet height from 80cm to 90cm, while the corresponding increase in width has resulted in an east sussex car park reducing its capacity from 290 to 180.

the reasons for world climate change are no doubt more complex than simply an increase in the burning of fossil fuels, and the remedies are, or will be, every bit as convoluted. but one of the most direct changes over which you and i have some control, is the remaindering of motorised transport in favour of cycling. transport is one of the single largest contributors to uk climate change, purported to be in the region of 27%. industrial processes and energy generation are well outside our individual sphere of influence, but were every uk resident who currently drives to and from work, the shops or school to switch to walking and/or cycling just one or two days each week, it wouldn't take long for the benefits to become noticeable. there's also the accompanying improvement in the health of the nation, reducing the financial burden on the health services.

i know, i know, you've heard it all before; none of it is news; we've been told the same story for years. the problem is, and it's one that i have unwittingly prolonged via this particular monologue, is that telling the cognoscenti (that's you and me) is a tad redundant. we are the converted and we are being preached to over and over again. so now it's our turn. i'm not suggesting that we all head into the wide blue yonder, proselytising to the great unwashed; that would be a bit crass and ultimately redundant. instead, and i've said this before, get on your bicycles en masse, and ride. to work, to the shops, to school, in all weathers that do not threaten to blow you off the bike; skin is waterproof.

and do it now.

illustration courtesy of dave walker

wednesday 15 july 2026

is this really the point?

in the halcyon days of yore, every weekly copy of the comic was as necessitous for the pages and pages of adverts at the back, as it was for results of european racing. in the early 1990s, britain was effectively a backwater as far as competitive cycling was concerned; yes, we had chris boardman and graeme obree whose weekly exploits in time trials on this side of the channel were every bit as entertaining as learning the vainquer of de ronde van vlaanderen. perhaps obviously enough, the bulk of the support north of the border was firmly behind the flying scotsman, possibly not mirrored in englandshire. couple that with the exploits of robert millar (as was) up until his retirement in 1995 wearing the british championship jersey, and the range of obsessive expression for velocipedinal fandom, still erred on the side of mainland europe.

however, pages and pages of spreads for parker international, ribble cycles, mel bentley and deesside cycles, to name but a few, offered a welcome window into the sort of equipment one might dream of affixing to one's somewhat run-of-the-mill lugged steel bicycle. though more than one of those retail outlets mentioned above are no longer with us, coupled with the knowledge that, nowadays, everything can be had for equitable discounts online, it was the ability to compare like-with-like simply at the turn of a page (no need to have an endless number of tabs open in the web browser to attempt the same) and the happy hours spent poring over the adverts right up until the following week's issue arrived.

that was cycling paradise.

at least a modest section of those adverts was frequently given over to apparel, the majority of which consisted of team replica kit, or psychedelic patterns concocted the day after santini/assos/castelli/et al had their christmas parties. and unfortunately, not only were many of those a far cry from the quality worn by the professional classes, but few of them retained their original shape after a couple of washes. as to the bibshorts, i'm old enough to recall purchase of real chamois; soft as a baby's bum at point of purchase, but closely resembling a brillo pad after only one wash. chamois cream was not a luxury but a necessity.

as i write these words, i am almost overcome with nostalgia for those far off days; it's at times like this that i realise that the internet isn't the be-all-and-end-all that it often purports to be.

on the outer edge of the northern hemisphere, acquisition of a pair of cycling tights was of particularly pressing need. my unfamiliarity with the velocipedinal realm brought me to purchase a pair that in no way fit the bill. decorated in a manner my late father would have described as "an explosion in a paint factory", they looked more the sort of thing mrs washingmachinepost might have worn to a yoga class, had she been in the habit of attending. to add insult to injury, they had no thermal lining whatsoever. for months, i would only head out after darkness had fallen. then, in 2004, rapha happened, and all our (my) problems evaporated in one fell swoop.

what could possible be safer to wear than a black jersey with a white hoop on the left sleeve, supplied complete with matching armwarmers and fashioned from a polyester/merino wool fabric that survived for ever and ever? if evidence is required, in 2005, i purchased a pink rapha classic jersey, which is still not only perfectly intact, but looks as if i'd removed it from the packaging just yesterday afternoon. this, however, is not intended as a rapha advert, but its arrival on europe's and the world's retail landscape, effectively forced the competition to pay attention.

i know that we've covered much of this ground during previous discussions, and that, at the risk of being trite, revolutions such as that noted above, tend to run in cycles: the rise and fall, so to speak. though rapha still offers strands of the classic range, much of what appears on the website today consists not only of fabrics thinner than the average roll of toilet paper, but dye-sublimated with the most hideous patterns and colours, few of which ought to have been applied to cycling apparel. and it's not only rapha. switzerland's assos, once the bastion of (admittedly) primary coloured conservatism, has now joined the world tour peloton, taking over the outfitting of ef education easypost following rapha's exit from the peloton at the end of 2025.

perhaps one can hardly blame the outfitter for a teams's desire to retain the colourway with which they have been long identified; in this case, pink. but, seen in a report on bikebiz.com only yesterday is the sort of garish mess that you'd hope not to see atop a bicycle. having met one of my cycling colleagues earlier on monday morning, clad in a jersey that demanded its own volume control, assos' diversionary tactics surely give not only cause for concern, but the possibility that they might be part of a growing, yet ill-advised trend.

and not that i wish to worry you unnecessarily, the use of the cliché 'limited edition capsule', applied to this assos x ef spooky collection (reputedly inspired by 'close encounters and alternate realities') really has nothing to do with cycling in any way, shape or form. there are endless examples of desirable cycling kit within the sport's rich heritage upon which to draw, without engendering any close encounters of the third kind.

there may be good cause to worry, but worse, clothing yourself as a zaphod beeblebrox will cost £180.

tuesday 14 july 2026