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replication

in november 2023, american drum manufacturer, drum workshop introduced dwe, a high-end wood drumset with one substantial difference from its competitors: it was electronic. in fact, not only was it electronic, but, if the internal transducers were removed, and the mesh heads replaced with standard mylar drumheads, the owner now possessed a quality acoustic drumset; two for the price of one. to an extent, such a facility sort of already existed; many drummers had been seen to play top level drumsets outfitted with triggers, sensors which triggered digital samples stored on a computer.

if you're not a drummer, and perhaps even if you are, the reason for triggering was frequently to reproduce the exact sound of the drums recorded on one or more albums. so while the drummer was busy endorsing a particular brand of drums as the greatest thing since sliced bread, the audience was not actually hearing the original sound of those drums.

however, the real advance with dwe was how those electronic sounds were generated. for the first time, just like sram's gearing systems, the entire affair was wireless. the transducers internally fitted to each drum connected wirelessly to software running on a nearby laptop computer. since mesh heads on an acoustic drum do not, of themselves, produce a coherent drum sound, each drum was mapped to a digital sample contained within the software. but, it didn't stop there.

by selecting each drum individually in software, the user could alter the pitch, the tone, the resonance and many other parameters on offer. in fact, the software could do even more than that. the drum workshop electronic drumset could be made to sound like many other kits, even to the extent of reproducing a gene krupa slingerland drumset from the early 1940s. no longer would modern-day drummers be restricted by the profile of the bearing edges crafted on the physical drums in front of them. and such is the versatility of the software, it is perfectly possible to store a sizeable number of different sounding drumsets, switching between all of them as the performance requires.

but a youtube video upon which i stumbled only the other day, indicated that this reality has moved one stage further. matt gartska is the drummer with the band animals as leaders, a drummer who endorses drum workshop drums. however, so far as i'm aware, his performances tend to consist of amplified acoustic drums, both live and in recordings, but he has now released a plugin of his sampled acoustic drumset, that can be reputedly used with dwe, or any other make of electronic drumset. should you harbour ambitions of sounding identical to that of mr gartska, it is no longer considered necessary to learn just how he tunes his drums; you can simply click a footswitch and hey presto!

i have no idea how many drummers a) own a similarly configured electronic drumset and b) how many of those would like to sound like matt gartska. sounding like dave weckl, vinnie colaiuta or steve gadd i could understand, but reading the comments 'neath the explanatory video, it seems many have already ponied up for the plugin. (ggd also offer plugins based on drummers matt halpern and benny greb.)

so now i wonder whether a similar state of affairs could be applied to the more expensive bicycles available from the world's premier manufacturers, a thought suggested by the recent firmware update announced by sram. obviously, it has always been possible to recreate an exact replica of any bicycle within the professional peloton, assuming you have a bank balance willing to comply. none of us are remco, tadej, wout or jonas, but i feel it would play directly into the hands of the bicycle suppliers, who spend inordinate marketing dollars to persuade us that it is the bicycle that wins races, and not just the chap in the saddle. presumably it would be child's play to offer firmware updates that matched those used by members of the professional peloton.

the reality may be completely different, but since when has that been seen as a problem?

monday 13 october 2025

added extras

with argyll & bute schools currently on a two-week break, a friend of mine took advantage of her kids' time off school to combine a recall on her car, with a short break in scotland. apparently, whichever make of vehicle it is that she owns, required a firmware update to ensure its continued survival in the maelstrom that is contemporary motoring.

having booked a suitable appointment, she was told that the whole operation ought to take no more than one hour, an hour that eventually stretched to three hours, and though the firmware update was free, it seems that the dealership responsible for carrying out the work may have been under the management of a former kwik-fit administrator. though the update was free of charge, it transpired that a service was a necessary part of the process (somewhat unlikely, i'd imagine), and that, most definitely, was not free of charge.

additionally, while they had the vehicle on the ramp, the mechanic had reputedly noted the two rear tyres were in need of replacement due to bulges (conveniently) seen on the inner sidewall. and, strangely enough, it had also been noted that the disc-pads were a tad worn, so perhaps it would be prudent to replace them while the wheels were removed from the vehicle. thankfully, she had the confidence to mention that the car had recently been through, and passed, an mot examination in august, with brake pads being rather prominent on an mot checklist.

it is many a long year since i owned (or drove) a motor vehicle, but i do recall in my previous life, that i once had a stainless steel exhaust system fitted to a car, after requiring two replacement exhausts in a little over a twelve-month period. the stainless exhaust came with a lifetime warranty (strangely only applicable to yours truly, but not to anyone who subsequently purchased the car; an odd definition of the word 'lifetime'), with the condition attached that i had to return to a kwik-fit branch on an annual basis to have the component checked and a signature appended to my warranty booklet.

during the two years that i possessed the vehicle, on each occasion of visiting two different kwik-fit service centres, there was either something amiss with the tyres, the shock absorbers, the springs, or the brake discs. at that particular point, i began to suspect that the conditions attached to the stainless exhauust were merely a subterfuge to increase revenue by pointing out these possibly fictitious mechanical ailments.

so, what has all this to do with the far less complex and demonstrably more reliable bicycle?

my regular reader may recall that, only a matter of days past, i was highlighting the firmware update currently offered by the sram corporation to enable smoother changing across the cassette on their wireless groupsets. according to sram's press release, this update could only be applied via a suitable smartphone app, and seemingly only applicable to each component, one at a time. my rather insignificant point had been that, for those bereft of smartphone, this was likely one step too far. you should realise, of course, that i may be the only individual to find this a somewhat backward step, given that i'm the only one i know without a smartphone.

however, should this become more common in future, and i really do think that to be highly likely, it's possible that there will come a point whereby any software or firmware update applicable to either an acoustic or electric bicycle, might feasibly require the services of a qualified mechanic. at which point, no matter the mechanical or electronic condition of the velocipede, updates will require a trip to the local bike shop. and while it's there, what are the chances of the chain needing replaced, batteries seen to be in poor condition, hydraulic fluid looking a tad on the cloudy side? i'm sure you see where i'm going with this.

just remember, kwik-fit offers acoustic and electric bicycle servicing.

saturday 11 october 2025

incomprehension

i mentioned but a few weeks past that, while attempting to destroy both thumbs in the process of fitting a pair of challenge chicane 'cross tyres, i found several radial cracks emanating from one particular spoke nipple, rendering the point of fitting a new tyre somewhat null and void. this subsequently meant searching out and preparing the bicycle's original dtswiss wheelset, onto which the tyres could then be installed. though i pretend not to care about the relative weights of componentry, a misplaced sense of self-esteem still offers moments of due reflection. and the dtswiss are undeniably heavier.

however, i'll selflessly admit that i'm perennially guilty of paying little more than lip service to cyclocross, by way of enjoying the tv spectator experience more than the possibility that i might actually participate in the cyclocross meme. yes, indeed, i have frequently expressed an unrequited desire to learn how properly to mount and dismount like wout, mathieu and eli, (which may or may not actually happen), but i do seriously seek to adopt the 'cross mantle; in a small community such as this, i feel that to be more than adequate.

nonetheless, despite restricted possibilities that i might become even tangentially involved in the sport, i now harbour desires to return the bikeshed to a state of equilibrium by re-acquainting the specialized crux with a spare set of wheels. this desire partially rests on the track which runs through bridgend woods, from south lodge to the auction mart. the latter runs more or less parallel to nancy's path a short, mixed use path, separated from the main road by a stone wall, bringing the user out opposite the hotel, on the same side as the village shop. if riding my 'cross bike, i'm inclined to ride this path, partly because i can, and partly because it keeps me away from motorised traffic.

the track throught the woods, however, entirely at the behest of overhanging trees, and adjacent to south lodge, features a permanent mud trap, frequently concealed by a thin growth of grass over the top. it would immensely improve my saturday perambulations were i to ride nancy's path on my way to debbie's for lunch, but make use of the track on the return trip. you might well query why that comprises a desire rather than a reality, the reason for which i will now explain.

eagle-eyed cyclocross fans will have made note that i was seen to be fitting challenge chicane tyres, rubber which features a relatively smooth centre tread, bordered with a few token knobblies. these tyres make the ride itself a tad more comfortable than on my road bike, and allow gravellous and grassy portions to be traversed with ease. however, when faced with thick, gloopy mud, the rider is is immediately apprised of their limitations. such as the muddy patch to be encountered on the approach to south lodge.

a couple of years ago, failing to remember the tread on which i rode, i opted to make use of said path by way of an alternative to nancy's path. 'skittish' was a word learned that particular day.

it would be foolish to deny that my cyclocross bicycle spends more time on metalled roads than it does thundering through the undergrowth, even allowing for the fact that portions of islay's singletrack roads are less than billiard table smooth. in which case, the chicane's are a particularly apposite choice. however, on the off-chance that wout and mathieu have provided a bout of enthusiastic fervour, it would be kinda nice to have the option of a second wheelset shod with a pair of challenge limus or grifo tyres.

yet again, a first world problem.

and continuing that latter theme, i confess i have been visiting derek mclay's wheelsmith website to scope out a replacement wheelset, a range replete with several deep(ish) carbon rims, several of which possess rather high price tags, and perhaps a stage too far for their proposed (perhaps lack of) use. now, aside from continually querying why it is that cyclocross riders tend to favour these deep-rimmed carbon wheelsets, when rarely are they travelling at speeds for which such rims have been endlessly wind-tunnel tested, i still harbour doubts that carbon fibre is the ideal material from which to construct a sturdy wheelset. yet, despite the fact that sufficient time has passed to effectively prove my concerns quite baseless, i'm more inclined to opt for one of the alloy alternatives. thankfully, they are far more amenably priced.

of course, there's still my hard won reputation for endless procrastination to be taken into account, so don't hold your breath awaiting a comprehensive review anytime soon.

wheelsmith

friday 10 october 2025

wheels are hard to draw

i am a devoted fan of charles schultz' peanuts cartoons, a state of affairs that began with the magazine once included in the observer sunday newspaper. every week, on the inside back page, the observer would publish a colour cartoon of snoopy, charlie brown and their pals, a cartoon which i would subsequently cut from the magazine and store in a brown envelope. that particular envelope, you will be unsurprised to learn, now resides in the top drawer of my bedside cabinet. and, true to form, i have no more idea today about what i might do with these cartoon strips, than i had when i first started collecting them.

at precisely the same time, a friend with whom i had once shared accommodation at college, moved into the university's halls of residence in year two, and proceeded to wallpaper the walls and ceiling of his room with the very same cartoons, cut from his weekly copies of the observer.

their originator, charles schultz, passed away at the turn of the century, only a matter of weeks after announcing that ill-health was forcing him to end his syndicated artistry. and artistry i contended it to be while at art college (and still do); we were all encouraged to keep a personal sketch book, and, with an interest in cartoons and illustration, i copied various aspects of peanuts cartoons due to schultz's economy of style. oddly enough, when handing the sketch book in for assessment, my lecturer tore the pages from my personal sketch book and left a note advising that i should desist from such practices. he obviously held a different definition of the word 'personal' than did i.

aside from those cartoons in the envelope in the drawer, i have several paperbacks of peanuts cartoons sat in the bookcase on the upstairs landing. and recently, royal mail issued a series of peanuts postage stamps, available in presentation format, accompanied by matching monochrome cartoons. i had a friend of mine frame them and they now hang on the sitting room wall.

but the simplicity of charlie brown cartoons is contradictory; though i can copy them to a reasonable degree, they're actually very hard to draw with the same je ne sais quoi as their originator. in other words, despite my professed artistic prowess, it is a far cry from that of charles schultz. as i said, charlie brown, snoopy, even woodstock, are hard to draw well.

and so are bicycle wheels.

inspired by the works of daniel rebour, i once harboured aspirations to illustrate articles on the post with drawings made by my own fair hand, as opposed to snapping a few inadequate photographs. however, given the timeous nature of these monologues and, in the case of bicycle or clothing reviews, their often excessive length, the time i would have required to render illustrations worthy of publishing was well in excess of that available. and then there's the not insignificant fact that bicycles are very difficult to draw properly, particularly spoked wheels.

let's face it, the majority of us could scarcely lace a wheel, prior to completing a thirty-two spoke, three-cross wheel. so imagine attempting to create a three dimensional representation of two bicycle wheels. go on, try it. i dare you. assuming you at least considered drawing a spoked bicycle wheel, you might have some idea of the regard in which i hold new york bicycle artist, taliah lempert, who has spent a large part of her successful career completing drawings and paintings of wheels on a regular basis.

i would love to tell you that i now plan to retire to the sitting room with a campagnolo/mavic road wheel, a sketch book and a 2b pencil, but we all know that's not going to happen.

wheels are hard to draw.

illustration copyright taliah lempert | bicycle paintings

thursday 9 october 2025

i did say

a feature currently available on the cycling weekly website concerns a recent meeting set to respond to a paper submitted by the city of london police, in which they proposed tougher penalties for cyclists who could be designated as anti-social, dangerous or exhibiting nuisance behaviour. though i don't find myself averse to such proposals, for obvious reasons, i scarcely know what i'm talking about. i believe the only (inadvertent) nuisance that i and my colleagues exhibit, is riding in front of 40ft, pot ale tankers en-route to or from one of ten distilleries.

i hardly need point out that cycling on an hebridean island is a far cry from riding a bicycle in the centre of britain's capital city. for starters, we have no pedestrian crossings, no roundabouts, and no traffic lights that might potentially interrupt our serene island existence. and when we eventually stop at a local hostelry or café, there is no need to lock our bicycles to railings, lamp posts or bicycle racks. it is, in short, for the average cyclist, very much the rural idyll.

so for me to make comment on the actions of london-based cyclists would be not only specious, verging on arrogant, but certainly stupid. i have no experience of nose-to-tail motor traffic, i am not subject to the vicissitudes of being cut up by taxis, buses or errant motorists; rarely do i experience pedestrians stepping out unawares and unannounced, (birdwatchers notwithstanding). and under no circumstances could any of the villages be said to feature 'rush hour'. and i'd be eternally grateful if matters remained that way.

however, as with many of the best-laid plans of britain's legislature, passing laws in parliament is scarcely half the problem. for instance, it is currently illegal to park a vehicle on the pavement, or even to place two wheels thereon. and allied to the latter, is the offence of double-parking. but all of the foregoing is entirely vacuous if the legislation is not enforced. though islay is home to only marginally over 3,000 people, it has only minimal policing, from which invariably, only one constable or sergeant is on duty at any time. and for the most part, they are to be found many kilometres from any infraction. sadly, even when witnessing such law-breaking, they tend to turn a blind eye.

i appreciate that this may not be the case in the centre of london town where i'm sure the police force outnumbers islay's population.

however, one of the attendees at the meeting highlighted above, councillor jacqueline webster, suggested that perhaps, rather than attempt to impose more onerous penalties on cyclists adjudged to be at fault, a more courteous culture could be promoted. it is, i hasten to add, a rather subjective point, for while many of us would undoubtedly understand the concept of courteousness, just how that might be defined is surely open to debate?

perhaps, for once, i might be allowed to blow our own, hebridean trumpet, and invite members of london's council and the metropolitan police to examine the culture shock that might accompany a visit to the hallowed isle. i have written on previous occasions about our own brand of courtesy, practised almost every weekend, where we have become inherently conscious of the fact that we are, essentially, riding round in circles, before we head home for a warm shower. therefore, if we find ourselves confronted by oncoming traffic on one of the island's singletrack roads, we are more inclined to be the ones who dip into a passing place, allowing the motorists to continue their journey unhindered. additionally, should we become aware of following traffic, a similar procedure entails.

yes, it can become somewhat irritating to continually be the 'good guys', but like i said above, we're not actually going anywhere that requires a definable arrival time. so why not just proffer a smidgeon of courtesy? it's easy when you try, and before loing, it becomes habit.

wednesday 8 october 2025

who knew?

a few doors down from my office is a café/restaurant serving, suggested by the signage at least, a mixture of menus that may or may not include chinese, indian and fish and chips. the a-board outside the front door has kept me quietly amused for months with its singular 'open - soup' message, and i have long wanted to pop in of a lunchtime and request a bowl of open soup. were it not that the majority of staff are not of scottish origin, and therefore unlikely to recognise my supposedly ironic humour, i'd probably have done so by now.

however, the obverse of the a-board hardly saves the situation to an appropriate degree, given its consistent misuse of the hapless apostrophe. along with many whose first language actually is english, it appears that the strategic use of apostrophes is very definitely missing in action. according to the north facing side of the a-board, i can choose from panini's, fish and chip's, or salad's. i am not obtuse enough in my appreciation of linguistics not to have realised all three are intended to be plural, but the use of the apostrophe would seem to indicate them to be of a possessive nature.

text editing is a large part of my daily grind from which i can readily deduce that a disappointing majority seem to consider that, if a word ends in the letter 's', it ought best be preceded by an apostrophe. such a generalisation is inevitably incorrect, and while i do not propose to offer a lesson in correct use of the unfortunate item of punctuation, let's just say that if the word is a plural, it has no need of an apostrophe.

misuse of punctuation could be seen as an indictment of contemporary language education, or it could simply be that, in this age of txting, many of a certain age see punctuation as surplus to requirements. even my daughter, who is a primary school teacher, has a propensity to send texts to her dad, minus commas, full-stops and semi-colons. and though she correctly judges that i do know what she means, that's hardly the point, in my opinion.

but there are implications beyond conversations with one's offspring and an errant menu displayed outside a local café/restaurant. though the proprietors of the latter may be of foreign origin, translation between languages could become fraught without correct punctuation, effectively rendering the claim that 'it doesn't really matter' somewhat incorrect.

virtually every strata of modern industry has cornered the market in language specific to the area under discussion. only those working with internet technologies may truly know exactly what hypertext transfer protocol actually means. and in my daily travails, i regularly (try not to) speak of leading, tracking, kerning, cmyk and halftone screens, little of which means anything to those with whom i work. the world of bicycles is no different; though it may be perfectly clear to those of you who have managed to read this far, not everyone knows what a bottom bracket, or crown-race actually is (and, in my experience, nor do they care).

but we are now inhabitants of an international sport/activity, with a substantial number now keen to undertake trips to the more attractive locations within that particular universe. should you suffer an unfortunate mechanical infringement while cycling in just such a distant corner of the world, you can but despair at the thought of attempting to describe to a roadside mechanic just what you mean by a broken split-pin holding the rear disc pads in place.

cognisant of such potentially international difficulties, the sram corporation has chosen to open up the more salient parts of their technical university content to a collection of cycling translation specialists (nope, me neither) known as cyclinguists. according to the latter, this could "reshape how the cycling industry approaches global communication." the need for comment is not just that such an approach is considered a strategic move, but that we have reached the third decade of the 21st century before it's happened. how did a manifestly international industry survive until this point in time?

it's also possible that one party has overstated the importance of this development, while the other (you and i) may possibly have underestimated. according to a prominent member of cyclinguists, sram's programme is "an absolute gold mine for linguists who want to up their game in the cycling industry." i confess that, until very recently, i was unaware that there is such a thing as a cycling linguist (i'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere), but more to the point, that their nascent enthusiasm may have resulted in a new industry standard.

to summarise, "modern cycling technology demands communication expertise that extends well beyond basic language skills. explaining suspension systems, wheelbuilding techniques, or gear ratios requires understanding the engineering principles behind the terminology."

as the saying goes, 'every day's a schoolday.'

tuesday 7 october 2025