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artificial intelligence

i'm proud to relate that the decision to create a car-free washingmachinepost household was entirely mine. granted, mrs washingmachinepost does not have a driver's licence and works from home, so the vehicle that we did own was, not to put too fine a point on it, of little practical use to her. the office in which i ply my daily trade (so to speak) is a mere five minutes walk from the croft, so on a daily and almost weekly basis, i had little need of a motor vehicle either.

where it did come into its own was usually on saturday mornings when we would both drive a matter of a few hundred metres to bowmore main street in order to stock up the cupboards, fridge and freezer with the weekly shop. i cannot deny that, on occasion (usually a sunday afternoon) we'd pop over to the ancestral home of velo club d'ardbeg for a coffee and a panini, but it would be foolish to pretend that the latter was anything like a justifiable reason to pay car tax, insurance, mot, servicing costs and petrol.

so, when the car finally failed an mot, accompanied by prospective remedial costs of several hundred pounds, i made the decision to leave the car at the garage and cycle home. though it's something of a cliché, i've really never looked back since.

however, in so doing, i have not lost sight of the fact that this was not a decision that entailed my attempting to cadge a lift from the currently motorised at each and every apparently necessitous opportunity. this extends to the transportation of a small but oddly heavy drumset. it has always been a conundrum how items consisting mostly of empty space manage to weigh so much. i'm fortunate that the majority of my percussive engagements take place in an islay hostelry within easy walking distance of the croft and, with the aid of a small trolley, shifting the aforesaid drumset is a relatively innocuous procedure.

but there are occasions when that trolley has its limitations and there is need of renting a motor vehicle. to my mind this is a necessary evil and one that i am keen to avoid as often as possible. sadly, having spent six or more car-free years means that i have missed out on what i'm sure the motor industry most likely refers to as 'technological developments'. little lights that appear on the dashboard telling me to change gear, despite my still trying to fathom the complexity of the heating controls to demist the windscreen rather than my socks. a fifth or sixth gear when my last car had only four; when do i change up, or even down?

my first attempted drive in years almost failed at the first hurdle when, after filling every available space with drums and cymbals, the car simply wouldn't start. all the lights were coming on, everything seemed to be in working order, but there was nary a sparkle from the engine. a quick phone call to the rental office elicited the hitherto unknown information that the clutch pedal had need of being depressed, while turning the ignition key. who ever would have figured that one out?

believe me, though the rental cars served their purpose most admirably, i doubt there was a single driving moment when i could honestly have claimed to be enjoying myself. especially when unable to find the switch for the rear screen wiper. the tangible relief on climbing aboard my bicycle upon returning the car was udoubtedly the high point of the week. that and being paid to play my drums in the first place.

it therefore offers me a smidgeon of disappointment that the bicycle industry occasionally seems hell-bent on following their motoring counterparts. as one who still views the advent of the electronic groupset as a solution looking for a problem, the news that a chinese cycle company is offering bicycles featuring an integrated power meter and touch-screen computer has not made 2017 one that i cannot wait to unfold. i well understand that there is a velocipedinal strata that has undoubted need of such technology; those imbued with the athletically sporting gene, keen to overtake their peers by any legitimate means possible.

with them, i have no quibble.

however as one who has had the pleasure (?) of reviewing power meters in the past, my worry is that such technology dribbles downwards, eventually resulting in a full page advert in the weekend colour supplements for a a similar machine, constructed from plain gauge steel and selling for £49.99. though my review periods were mostly to ascertain whether the meters on test were simple and accurate to use, at the end of each ride, i still had a substantial quantity of data with which i had no idea what to do. and let's face it, unless you're a qualified coach or a well-informed professional rider, those power readings are simply a set of inscrutable numbers.

it would be naive of me to pretend that the chinese bicycles previously mentioned are anything other than tools designed for those in the know, but how many years is it since formula one cars had six gears operated by little flip levers on the steering wheel and how many standard saloon cars now feature something similar? i mean, who really needs six (or more) gears on a car?

mind you, come to that, how many of us really need eleven sprockets on the back wheel?

friday 13 january 2017