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maybe it's time to pack it in

several years ago, argyll and bute council asked me to design and write a leaflet that was subsequently entitled cycling on islay and jura. i cannot pretend that there is a large amount of jura detail, partly because there's really only one road from top to bottom, but the principal purpose was to educate those perhaps unused to riding on single-track roads edged with passing places. it is also uncommon, i believe, to encounter a herd of cattle on the approach to richmond park.

in order that the leaflet may be as comprehensive as possible, i contacted both flybe airlines and citylink coaches enquiring as to the official requirements for transporting a bicycle. unsurprisingly, both required that the bicycle be, at the very least, suitably packed in a bike box; either one of those cardboard affairs in which bike shops receive their stock, or one of the fabric or plastic affairs that would allegedly survive a nuclear holocaust.

in the case of citylink the fly in the ointment is the driver's discretion as to whether he's willing to accept the packaged bike or not. i recall disembarking the ferry alongside a large party of danish hikers whose rucksacks occupied the majority of the luggage space under the coach's cabin. had i been carrying a bike box in the hope of us both reaching glasgow, i fear i'd have been left wanting.

those potential traffic difficulties can, of course, be either avoided or subjugated entirely by despatching the bicycle by courier in advance of personal travel, thus alighting from plane, train or coach to a welcoming, well-wrapped bicycle. however, as i know from the experience of receiving review bicycles and subsequently re-packing them for return, safely cossetting your pride and joy to ensure its safe transit is a somewhat onerous task, not always immediately obvious to those with little experience in such matters.

parcel hero is an online courier company utilising the services of ups, dhl and other carrier services to get your parcel safely and quickly from point of origin to destination and back again if required. on the basis that they may be better qualified to advise the best way to pack a bicycle, i asked for their recommendations in carrying out appropriate procedures. i have paraphrased their rather comprehensive reply.

for starters, you'll need a good strong three-ply card box, miles and miles of bubble-wrap and polystyrene foam tubing, a handful of zip-ties, strong parcel tape and, to dismantle bits of your bicycle, at the very least a screwdriver, allen keys and an adjustable spanner. preferably, however, you'd have a set of quality tools appropriate to the job. make sure you take the same tools with you, or place them packed in the box to aid assembly at the other end.

ideally, whatever type of box you get hold of, it makes sense for it to be of the correct size. this may seem starlingly obvious, but i have received several review models encased in boxes that would probably incur council tax were the authorities to be informed. you really don't need the size of box into and out of which the bike can be wheeled, needing only the bars to be straightened. your local bike shop might be more than willing to divest itself of boxes surplus to requirements, but if all else fails, it's possible to purchase one online for around £14.

there's a greater than evens chance that any packaging that might have been on your bike when you bought it has gone to the great landfill in the sky, so you'll likely have to acquire those from elsewhere. that friendly local bike shop might once again prove an excellent resource, but stuff like bubble wrap can be bought online, and a nearby plumbing supplies outlet ought to have in stock the foam tubing often used to lag water pipes. the last week's daily newspapers ought also to come in handy, so plan in advance otherwise you'll probably have thrown them out.

don't do what i do and attempt to carry out the necessary procedures in the back garden. bicycles are peppered with little screws, nuts and bolts, all of which are either silver or black and once dropped, you'll never find the little blighters again. parcel hero recommend that you remove ancillary items like bottle cages, lights and any computers; possibly even mudguards. if you're shipping the bicycle abroad, you'll more than likely be required to remove any batteries from the lights, items that most often can only be shipped in original packaging.

there's little doubt that the saddle and seatpost will have to be removed for wrapping separately. prior to doing so, however, mark the post height with a piece of tape to ease the problem of setting saddle height at the other end. there are plastic plugs available to slot into the open top of the seat tube, but otherwise, stick some tape across the top preventing anything untoward falling inside. that would explain the rattling noise heard while ascending alpe d'huez' 21 hairpins.

perhaps the most obvious major step is to remove the front wheel as well as its quick-release skewer. you can tape the latter to one of the spokes or even to the inside of the box. it also makes sense to let a smidgeon of air from the tyres, particularly if the bicycle is being flown to its destination. fuselage pressurisation can play havoc with fully inflated tyres or tubulars.

pop the chain into the small sprocket to take the tension off and either tape or zip-tie it to the chainstay. pedals can either be removed completely and packed separately or perhaps more conveniently, thread them into the inward sides of the cranks. remember that the left pedal features a left-hand thread. the rod-operated stirrup brakes on my taurus corinto prevent its handlebars from being moved off the straight and narrow. however, on road bikes, it can be a simple matter of loosening the stem clamp bolts, tilting the bars downwards and sideways to hook under the top tube.

this latter procedure occasionally fails due to the brake levers not fitting safely inside the confines of the box, in which case you may well have to remove the bars completely and store them vertically at the front of the box, taking care not to ruin the front brake cable.

before you pop the whole enchilada into its box, cover every visible square inch of frame tubing with bubble-wrap, masking tape or foam tubing making sure also that any moveable bits such as the bars, cranks etc. are securely taped or zip-tied to the frame. fill the bottom of the box with some scrunched up newspaper to isolate the bike from the box. ideally you'd want to manage similar isolation all round, though that's sometimes easier said than done. i've found that a large square of strong card placed between the front wheel and the frame tubes not only helps obviate untoward movement, but prevents scratches and scrapes. if there are any gaps still visible once everything is in place, stuff paper or bubble wrap to fill.

once all is inside, check that the top of the box closes properly, before strapping it together with as much strong parcel tape as you can. this is not a stage that can be overdone; better over done than under done. and having accomplished all of the foregoing, make sure that all is correctly and clearly addressed. i've found that a5 sticky labels printed with the boldest typeface i can find on the mac work bubble wrap particularly well. again, don't skimp on this part. labels can fall off, but if you put one on each end, one on each side and a fifth for good luck on the top, murphy would need to be feeling particularly vicious to have them all fall off. it might also be a clever idea to put a set of self addressed lables inside ready for the return journey as well as a clearly marked outward destination label in case the very worst happens.

if the bike is travelling aborad and subject to customs declarations and associated formalities, all such documents ought to be contained in a document wallet that can easily be accessed when necessary. it might also be an idea to place copies inside the box. parcel hero assure me that they can provide you with advice regarding the latter if necessary.

though the british sportif calendar is full to overflowing, there are many uk cyclists intent on joining the odd gran fondo or european velocipedinal experience. if the family is joining you for the trip abroad and have taken up all available luggage space, including one of those upturned boats on the roof, shipping the bike out independently via carrier might be a safe and cost-effective option.

at least now you know how.

parcel hero

saturday 7 february 2015