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muc off hydro dynamic chain lube

i'm not sure where there is a definitive meaning enshrined for the word marketing, but more often than not, it's the ideal way of convincing us that we really ought to have that which we probably don't. that is, of course, a cynical view of the thought processes involved in the art of selling, because, quite honestly, how would we ever know of the existence of any superlative product if it weren't for the ever-cheerfully populated company marketing department?

having never made an academic study of the genre, i truthfully have no idea whether there was a time in its distant past, when marketing was concerned with telling the truth. slogans such as 'why not buy this really average product?' probably never made the grade, but they'd surely be more approachable than tv ads that promise hits from a 'best selling' album, one that has only just been released?

on that basis, you'd think that the majority of us would have become all but inured to the temptations placed in our paths, yet seemingly not. apple's iphone 6 wasn't that much different than number five (apart from the slightly bigger version), yet they've sold more of those than any of the previous editions, most of which are probably still working perfectly well. perhaps it's the advances that have been made in packaging?

though cielo build some particularly fine steel bicycles, even chris king would probably agree that they're hardly ground-breaking. however, cielo's production director, jay sycip, inspired by apple's packaging for the ipod, devised a means of securely packing a cielo and its necessary accoutrements (such as wheels) in a minimalist manner that allowed mine to survive the flight from portland to glasgow and its subsequent tour round scotland's fedex outposts. i have to say, that was a feature it's hard not to like.

so, when a handsomely crafted bottle of chain lube arrived in the mail, accompanied by a press release the introductory paragraph of which states "Muc-Off is excited to launch their newest chain lube, formulated to lubricate your chain over long distances and during the harshest weather conditions. May we introduce 'Hydrodynamic' - the result of a dedication to innovation by both Team Sky and Muc-Off.", there's a distinct feeling of deja-vu. for surely every chain lube on the planet aspires to offer the same properties? why on earth would i even consider a chain lube that had no intention of keeping my chain happy over lengthy distances? and considering the iniquity of the hebridean weather, doing so in some of the harshest weather conditions is an absolute necessity.

but then there's the packaging to consider. that connection to team sky is advised not only via an appropriate logo on the label, but carried through in the sky blue wording 'chain lube' while the uniquely shaped plastic bottle fields a blue screw off top. encased within its carded blister pack along with what i believe is often referred to a black light (about which, more later), it's pretty much guaranteed to stand out amongst its competitors.

muc-off's marketing even extends to popping a usb pen drive, cunningly disguised as a small muc-off spray, inside the box. this contains a video featuring prince bradley and members of the team sky maintenance crew, where they comment - almost too seriously - about the performance benefits of the hydro dynamic chain lube. performance benefits? of a chain lube? surely this must have been packaged by a chuckling marketing department. i mean any company happy to call itself muc-off must have a pretty good sense of humour in the first place.

surely?

all the above was carefully observed and digested before any of the blue liquid was allowed anywhere near a bicycle chain. so in my capacity as a famous cycling journalist, ever wise to the vicissitudes of those tricky marketing press releases and videos, i figured i had this pretty well sussed in advance of the practical part of the equation. and to cap it all, they want to charge you £16 for a mere 50ml. heck, a can of three-in-one oil is only a few pence over £3

having access to substantial quantities of precipitation almost on tap, it seemed a pity to delay further and risk missing the deluge. so i strictly followed the instructions included in the pack to degrease the chain completely before application. just in case the marketing appeals to you too, i might point out that not only is it necessary to snip off the top of the application nozzle, but there's a hidden foil top, removal of which entails taking the lid off first. i confess i did not know that.

the key-ringed black light is a novel gimmick with which to check that the blue (what else?) lube has penetrated each and every link on the chain, though i wasn't too sure whether to to do so immediately after application or once i'd wiped the excess from the chain. muc-off recommend that the chain be lubed at least three to four hours before use. i carried out the procedure the evening before.

it took only a few metres, let alone kilometres, to note that not only had the blue liquid silenced a less than brand new chain, but had apparently made pedalling less onerous. that, presumably, would be the performance benefits of which bradley had spoken, the very ones of which i had been embarrassingly cynical only a few paragraphs above.

i do not have the benefit of a small science lab at the back of my bike shed to make further investigations, but after only a wet 80km bike ride, i was still having a hard time reconciling myself to the fact that a simple chain lube was apparently making me ever so slightly faster. the cielo has ceramic bearings in its chris king bottom bracket and ceramic bearings in its blue chris king r45 hubs; perhaps the silencing of the chain had allowed me simply to better appreciate the frictionless roll of the portland made components?

in an effort to isolate the problem, i then degreased the chain on my aging colnago c40. this has been in situ probably a tad longer than is seemly in polite company, and rolls over a carbon ten-speed chainset that is still affixed via a square-taper cartridge bottom bracket. archaic technology by modern standards you will doubtless agree, and likely not susceptible to any performance enhancements conferred by a nicely packaged, sky-blue liquid.

unfortunately for the spanish inquisitors amongst us, the results were almost identical to that displayed by the cielo. though only mildly damp at one point, the colnago has had a look at more than 160 kilometres and yet the smoothness of perambulation persists. and very much in its favour and applicable to both chains, they have remained bright and shiny throughout their periods of adversity. i mention this because i have used several effective chain lubes that have the unfortunate side-effect of rendering the chain a liquidy black all over. a factor that does not equate well with my clean chain ocd.

the plan here with muc-off's hydro dynamic chain lube was to have spent at least a couple of weeks evaluating its efficacy; such immediate results were entirely unexpected. it seemed, therefore, rather more pertinent that i advised you of what seems like, on the face of it, something of a breakthrough in chain lubrication. according to the selfsame press release Team Sky wanted "...the fastest and most efficient lube [...] We are an evidence-based team, so the advantages need to be quantifiable."

i'm sure team sky have a far less subjective means of carrying out this quantifiability than do i, but it seems highly likely that they've come to the same conclusions. namely, this stuff is ruddy marvellous, more than justifying that previously scary retail price. it has reaffirmed my faith in marketing departments (or at least, the folks working at muc-off).

muc-off hydro dynamic chain lube

tuesday 7 april 2015