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the meaning of life, the universe and everything
in douglas adams' the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy, towards the end, we discover that the answer to the meaning of life, the universe and everything, is neatly contained within the number 42. this brings about the conundrum whereby, if no-one actually understands the answer, then perhaps they were not entirely acquainted with the question in the first place. our own, hebridean comprehension of the meaning of life, the universe and cycling, can similarly be distilled to a single number; in this case, it's 36.
however, unlike that of the hitchiker's guide, both question and answer are fully understood, particularly in the light of what might occur were the answer to be ignored.
having been fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of ostensibly clement weather for the last few months, given the time of year, it was highly likely, given the law of averages, that this would end with a bang. that bang dropped heavily this past weekend, when both wind and rain affected the west coast of britain, both north and south of islay. though i believe that ireland's west coast may have suffered greater infringement than our own, in similar fashion, islay is somewhat exposed to these atlantic squalls, with literally nothing between us and the eastern seaboard of canada. thus, as a rule of thumb, over the years we've calculated that, if the average windspeed is greater than 36mph (58kph), then it's probably better to remain indoors and watch a christmas movie.
the above mentioned speed is, in and of itself, not a danger; even crosswinds of such strength can be classed more as an irritation than a threat to life and limb. however, 58kph is, in point of fact, simply the starting point, for the accompanying gusts are likely to reach close on 60mph (100kph), the sort of windspeed that will result in thoughts of "danger, will robinson; danger, will robinson!" such knowledge is not borne of theory, but of practical, yet not always voluntary, research over the years. i can guarantee that, were a 100kph gust to hit you side on, you'd not remain vertical for long.
thus, with an average on sunday morning hovering around 53kph, the concomitant gusts were comfortably reaching near 48mph (80kph) when accompanied by horizontal precipitation, latterly constituted as hailstones. these are the moments when the intrepid cyclist begins to question a predilection for riding 45mm deep section carbon wheels. hardly what might be termed a 'sensible choice'. yet the wheels in question were campagnolo's bora wto edition, the latter being an abbreviation for 'wind tunnel optimised'. lest your cynicism equal that of my own, this abbreviation allegedly paid credit to vicenza's due diligence in shaping the rim to behave itself in winds such as those just described. i confess, i have no idea if campagnolo took things quite as far as did yours truly yesterday morning, but assuming that they did, their homework ought best be marked with a resounding tick and a smiley face.
it would be wrong of me to contend that crosswinds at the above velocity caused no sideways deflection whatsoever; they did. but unlike previous excursions in similar winds, i didn't get the feeling that my front wheel was about to be swept from under me and nor was i overly concerned that i'd be blown into the path of even the sparse amount of traffic populating islay's road on a sunday morning.
i have been asked on more than a single occasion, just how safe i figured the bora wto wheels to be in galeforce winds; this was the first time i'd ridden them in such high winds and thankful to have my tendentious answers vindicated. i cannot attest to the veracity of other, similarly constituted wheels, particularly those featuring deeper rims than the 45mm boras. but, given the nature of yesterday morning's bike ride, i am more than grateful for the integrity and tenacity of the boffins at vicenza.
maybe they'd independently worked out the answer to be 36, some time ago?
monday 9 december 2019
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................albion cycle clothing rain jacket
mrs washingmachinepost is a christmas enthusiast, so it will come as little or no surprise to learn that our sitting room now resembles the interior of santa's grotto. many years past, thewashingmachinepost christmas decorations were stored in the attic, meaning that it was incumbent on yours truly to ascend a rickety ladder and retrieve them from their repose. this was usually the beginning of the season of discontent, because the decorations could not be brought down when it suited me, but almost always at the most inopportune moment of the day. i doubt these are circumstances solely applicable to myself.
however, since both offspring finally flew the nest, we've at least one spare room in which all manner of obscure items can be stored, including, as you will have foreseen, the christmas decorations. thus it is simplicity itself for mrs washingmachinepost to access the many bags and boxes of decorations, ornaments, lights and, of course, the tree. i still have my uses, however; i am graciously allowed to carry the aforementioned items downstairs.
decorating the room and tree alongside your better half, is surely the equivalent of teaching them to drive. there will be arguments (note the use of the plural) and ultimately the day, if not the weekend, will be utterly ruined, with conversation constrained to the absolute necessities. as i sit and write this by the light of the christmas tree, i note that the number of baubles on the latter has diminished over the years, replaced, it seems, by all manner of 'trendier' tree decorations. do not misunderstand me; i do not view this as a retrograde step, but merely decorative progress.
but the baubles that are seasonally of greater interest, are those that hopefully form on the outer fabric of a waterproof. in the case under discussion, those are precisely for what i was looking on albion's recently issued rain jacket. to inhabit the world of state-of-the-art, any waterproof worth its salt must not only fend off the worst the weather can offer, but keep the happy cyclist from impersonating a boil-in-the-bag evening snack, by way of an appropriate level of breathability. though my conclusion should perhaps be accompanied by a spoiler alert, albion would appear to have successfully achieved that which they set out to accomplish.
the functionality of their rain jacket is provided by way of a three-layer constitution, featuring fully taped seams and an incredible lightness of being that has to be experienced to be believed. though this is a jacket for all but the very worst of conditions, it's no problem at all to scrunch it up and stuff it in a back pocket when rain turns to sun (a little hebridean humour, there). my contention that the jacket might not be equal to the most onerous of tasks, revolves around its complete lack of thermality.
though albion do not contend any thermal properties, on a cold, wet and windy day, i wore a lighter-weight, long sleeve jersey underneath, a choice that proved to be not one of my best moments. despite remaining impressively dry after a couple of hours in driving rain, i cannot deny that my arms often felt the ambient chill. next time, this winter, i'm aiming for a heavier-weight jersey.
at the risk of being accused of nit-picking, there are a couple of negatives to end this review. the cuffs are something of a double-edged sword: they're snug enough at the wrists to keep out unwanted draughts, but sadly too snug to allow overlapping of thermal gloves. this means those baubles of rain with which i began my review, will eventually roll down the fabric, landing inside the gloves. and there is only a single reflective logo on the back, but a few more spots of reflectivity would surely have not gone amiss, particularly on a dark blue jacket? (in mitigation, albion do offer a bright orange version of the jacket where visibility might be a concern)
that said, i really cannot deny that this is a truly excellent rain jacket, one that fulfils the description race-fit, bearing far more fitting functionality on the bike than off. the size reviewed was a close-fitting medium; if you admit to being slightly larger than slim, though the fabric bears a degree of stretch, you might want to move up a size.
and i must apologise to the folks at albion for having taken so long to pen this review; though scotland's west coast is renowned for its rainfall, it has taken some considerable time to find conditions worthy of their excellent rain jacket.
sunday 8 december 2019
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................navigation. techniques and skills for walkers (cyclists). pete hawkins. cicerone press softback. 146pp illus. £9.95
up in the attic, and well past the point where they ought to have been thrown out, are a series of boxes containing sets of floppy disks for totally outdated software. these were kept in the mistaken notion that they might come in handy at some point (no sniggering please), and their heft is as a result of the telephone directory-sized manuals that, at one time, accompanied all computer programmes. nowadays, those have diminished to the point of downloadable pdf files, or online manuals, for which i can identify two possible reasons.
most obviously, removing the need to print many thousands of large manuals and subsequently store/transport them, will minimise costs for the software company. it does, therefore, call into question the cost of some of the more prominent programs, when they too are downloadable, removing any requirement for physical media whatsoever. despite this there seems to have been little reduction in cost.
but the second reason for the lack of a paper manual is our seeming reluctance to actually read the ruddy things. it appears that checking the manual when things fail to work as expected, is viewed as a last resort; part macho arrogance, part apathy. that's no doubt why computer repair specialists and consultants have such healthy bank accounts. this dislike of investigating accompanying, remedial information, however, is hardly constrained to the world of computer software, much of which is as a result of the instant gratification demanded of the modern information.
gravel bicycles, which are the current flavour of the month, will doubtless continue this trend, but with the possibility of a risk to life and limb.
let's assume that, after great deliberation, you have chosen the gravel bike of your dreams, a bicycle which has arrived in its enormous cardboard box, simply requiring a straightening of the bars, raising (or lowering) of the seatpost and affixing of appropriate pedals. who amongst us would take the time to ensure that we have the geographical wherewithal to ensure that we might make it back home before new year? because, if you're anything like me, your map reading abilities will be either non-existent, or rudimentary at best and you'll be desperate to get out riding that new bicycle.
so what ought we to do about it?
though the compact and bijou publication under discussion is ostensibly aimed at the walking fraternity, i seriously doubt that they use maps substantially different from those possessed by cyclists intent on thrashing through the undergrowth on the very latest gravel-equipped velocipede. therefore, if any of you intend purchasing an off-road bicycle for christmas, either for your own pleasure or that of a significant other, learning to read maps certainly wouldn't do any harm, and might conceivably save you from hours (or days) of directionless wandering in the wilderness.
author of 'navigation - techniques and skills for walkers', pete hawkins, is not, however, a man with his mindset stuck firmly in the past. "In this edition, navigation technology has been incorporated throughout the book. Each section will take you through the more conventional way of doing things, while also offering technological navigation solutions." chapter one opens with the question 'Why use a map and compass?'. the answer lends itself particularly to those riding in the great outdoors, leading to less reliance on often bulky guidebooks. "Your days of getting lost will fade into distant memory, your confidence will increase and, thus, your reliance on guidebooks will decrease."
as with many journeys, map reading begins with a single step, and in this case, a simple one, that seems so glaringly obvious, it is of great concern that i hadn't previously thought of it. "Take a map of your local area and choose a short walk (ride) of a couple of kilometres long. As you walk (ride) this route, try to match the features on the ground with those marked on the map."
from such simple beginnings, mr hawkins works his way through the rudiments of understanding maps, including my own bête nòire, comprehending contours and symbols, along with scales and grids, before bringing the compass to our attention. and contained inside the rear pocket of the book's transparent cover, is a clear plastic navigation aid on which are printed various scales, and both timing and pacing charts. appendix d clearly explains how this ought best be made use of.
not being particularly skilled in the mathematical/arithmetical department, i cannot deny that some of the more complex chapters are going to take me more than one reading to fully understand, but similar to learning to read music, the end result promises to make me a great deal more confident in my own abilities. and by implication, once you've purchased your own copy, yours too. suffice it to say, if there's a gravel, 'cross or xc mountain bike in your festive plans, a copy of cicerone's 'navigation' really ought to be taped to the handlebars.
saturday 7 december 2019
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................mea culpa
with christmas rapidly approaching, the girls in the office have taken great pleasure in festooning the interior with tinsel, cotton wool snow and far more coloured lights than seems particularly prudent. add to that the santas, snowmen and their ilk, and my place of business is probably more like the north pole than santa's real winter workshop. however, in addition to the above, it's not unusual to come across a sign or two, attesting to the veracity of the season. decorated wooden signs, such as 'merry christmas' and that's pretty much where at least one significant problam has arisen. you see, the word 'christmas' has been typeset as all capitals, in zapf chancery, a crime for which there really is no adequate punishment.
coincidentally, the very same day on which i noticed this small wooden sign hanging on the office door, i received an e-mail from the digital foundry at hoefler & co., purveyors of distinctive typefaces. while their principal thrust is generally to interest folks, such as yours truly, in a fine array of typefaces, on this occasion the subject matter was their $15 typographic ticket book, billed as 'standard equipment for the modern design enforcer'. in other words, pedants such as myself.
to give perhaps a clearer indication of just what this ticket book consists, allow me to outline one or two of the penalties listed and the fines attached: use of display font at text size - £300, chronic use of novelty typeface - $150, improper kerning -$740 and excessive use of capitals (an infraction of which i am definitely not guilty) - $200. i'm sure you get the general idea.
in the light of my recent review of helen wyman's exploring off-road and mention of the previous three books that comprise the rapha editions beginners' volumes, i thought it might be prudent to concoct a similar ticket book that could be provided along with each new bicycle, or as a pullout in those rapha books. obviously enough, in order not to discourage the apprentice velocipedinists, such violations would only prove punitive after several months of riding. i'm sure i need not mention that several of us would have to volunteer as inspectors, purely for the benefit of the aspirants. otherwise, how will they ever learn?
though i'm very much open to suggestion, i figure the first on the list ought to be what i have heard described as 'the cyclist's tattoo'; an oily impression of the big chainring on the back of the calf. and i can think of a few others, such as continually riding in the drops all day, leaving gear selection on a hill to the very last minute, and subsequently being unable to find the right one, and leaving the dustcaps on presta valves (or any valve, come to that). no doubt you can come up with a few of your own.
these fine-able offences have nothing whatever to do with velominati's rules. for instance, any typographer or typesetter worth their salt would be aware of the importance of appropriate kerning (the space between individual letters). repeated failure to pay attention to such minutiae, i'm sure you'd agree, requires a tad more than just a slap on the wrist. similarly the cyclist's tattoo: we've all done it, probably more than once. but an inability or unwillingness to remedy the causal situation, should surely result in financial punishment?
it's probably too late to have a few of these designed (with impeccable kerning and in a suitable type size) and run off prior to santa's 2019 visitation, but i feel i ought to get a head start for 2020. it's what any self-respecting pedant would do.
friday 6 december 2019
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................really?
the problem was expounded a few weeks back, when poor little old me experienced, once again, the frustration of being provided with three, state-of-the-art, breathable waterproofs that remained resolutely dry. despite the west of scotland comfortably outdoing the flandrians in annual rainfall, we have, so far, experienced only sporadic precipitation, predominantly overnight, while the much-vaunted winds have been largely conspicuous by their absence. thus, while the aforementioned jackets fit beautifully and comfortably, making me appear more velocipedinally aware than is truthfully the case, scarcely a drop of rainwater has tampered with their collective personages.
however, on the basis that 'all comes to he who waits', it seems that a meteorological change is afoot, graphically and sonically described by the heavy patter of rain on the sitting room window. today's forecast shows a brief period of winds gusting north of 80kph, accompanied by the possibility of torrential rain. just the way we like it. though the winds might drop just a smidgeon, it appears this state of affairs is projected to continue into the weekend, offering a prolonged opportunity to get thoroughly wet.
or not, as the case may be.
but putting aside the iniquities of scotland's weather, conditions in which i am more than happy to practise my perambulations, from the very clothing provider announcing the tenth year of their infamous 'festive 500' comes a new, compact and bijou, indoor training collection. and much as i would dearly love to be unpredictable, i do seriously have to ask why?
granted, others have already released accoutrements, such as indoor specific footwear, so it should probably come as no surprise that rapha aim to please the seriously misguided. and i can but assume that this adjective is one applicable to members of the rapha cycling club, more so than the cycling proletariat, for the former have been granted 48 hours grace to order ahead of general release this saturday (7 december).
at launch, those afraid of the big bad wolf can be seen astride their indoor machinery wearing a rapha emblazoned sleeveless technical t-shirt, accompanied by a pair of core cargo shorts and topped with a mesh cycling cap. and with loops to hold it onto the lever hoods of your kickr or peloton bicycle, there's a soft fluffy towel on which to wipe away the inevitable perspiration. i doubt that you'll be surprised when i would point out the latter to be totally unnecessary should the zwifties care to venture out of doors for some real cycling.
rapha's much vaunted sense of style, is all well and good when worn on a real bicycle, where that style can be demonstrated to all and sundry in the sunday morning peloton, to say little of passing motorists. quite why you'd want to demonstrate sartorial elegenace in the garden shed, garage, or in front of the hamster in the sitting room, is quite beyond me. but then again, i cannot comprehend why anyone listens to stormzy or ed sheeran, so there's every possibility that i am well behind the curve. however, rampant cynicism aside, i am definitely looking forward to riding in serious wind and rain this weekend and not recording even one centimetre of it on strava.
rebellion is still cool, right?
rapha's indoor training sweat cap is available in black at a cost of £30, both men's and women's sleeveless technical t-shirts are priced at £35, the core shorts for both genders cost £95 and the indoor training towel is a mere £10.
thursday 5 december 2019
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................exploring off-road by helen wyman. illustrated by laura quick. rapha editions/bluetrain publishing 143pp illus. £12
in my early teens, i had my heart set on a drumset, whether for christmas or birthday or any other excuse i thought my parents (or i) might be able to invent. in order to promote the chances of this happening, i took the apparently intelligent step of implementing a touch of subliminal advertising, leaving a bell instruments catalogue open at the appropriate page, on various items of furniture likely to be used by either parent. sad to say, this rudimentary strategy failed to elicit the hoped-for response; i eventually left home for college several years later, still bereft of a red sparkle drumset.
unfortunately, even such a blatantly obvious approach is no longer available to the teenagers of the technological revolution. i've no idea whatever happened to bell instruments, but notions of a printed catalogue for drums or even bicycles, are pretty much buried in the past. and there's no point even setting the desired item as your desktop pattern or screensaver, because everyone has their own iphones, ipads or laptops these days, with no reason for mum or dad to take a look. so, there must now be an entire generation, desperate to receive a bicycle for christmas and no comprehensive set of tactics to realise that desire.
of course, those of us who class ourselves as the cognoscenti exhibit no such worry, smug in the knowledge that the bike shed contains n+1 velocipedes, ready and willing to satisfy those festive cycling needs. but what we of the upper echelons also tend to forget, is what it was like to be a cycling newbie; to have far more questions than answers and unsure whether to ask for a road bike, mountain bike, 'cross or gravel bike. if, like yours truly, you are domiciled in a remote rural area, offering acres of ground on which to ride any of the above machinery, there's probably no-one around to ask anyway.
which is precisely where rapha's editions come into play (and very much with the emphasis on the latter). having already discussed how to get started in road cycling with guy andrews, jo burt's treatise on longer rides and guy kesteven's guide to self-sufficiency, the inestimable and ten times uk cyclocross champion, helen wyman, tackles exploring off-road, adding to her own experience with assistance from several others, such as gary fisher, road.cc's dave arthur and look mum no hands impresario, sam humpheson, amongst others. this exposé in getting down and dirty in the undergrowth is superbly illustrated by laura quick, the artist responsible for previous forays into the world of the cycling newbie.
helen wyman's palmares and experience is all but unmatched when it comes to venturing away from tarmac; over the book's 140 plus pages, she answers the majority of questions likely to be asked by the uninitiated, including discussions on whether to disc or not to disc, the art of hopping, maps, and whether there is need for the wide variety of cycling hardware that occupies the bike sheds of the cognoscenti. sam humpheson weighs in on the latter: "No matter how challenging the terrain, you can get away with one bike, you can ride the trails on any off-road bike..."
and, once all the prevarication and procrastination is over and done with, it's time to go riding. "The beauty of off-road riding is there are literally no rules." whether the off-road aspirant decides to adhere to that sage piece of advice, or succumb to the type of riding or racing that very definitely has rules, the answers are here, or at very least, fingers that point the apprentices in the right direction. say what you like about the often eye-watering prices attached to rapha's quality clothing, their enterprise in publishing this series of books for beginners in co-operation with taz and guy at bluetrain, is pretty much what cycling needs. it's a long way from the sunday morning chain-gang where dropping off the back often meant a long, slow and lonely ride home, and no earthly idea how to figure out how or why.
aside from that, it's helen freakin' wyman for goodness sake.
rapha editions - exploring off-road
wednesday 4 december 2019
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................which way to turn.
in my more intrepid cycling days, when the muddy fox courier had been converted to a tourer, i would occasionally pedal east to visit my parents in scotland. though not the most expedient means of travelling from the hebrides to scotland's west coast, splitting the journey between cycling and sitting on three different calmac ferries was actually rather a neat way to get from point a to point b. the singletrack road between kennacraig ferry terminal and the lochranza ferry slip at claonaig offered some moderate climbing and descending, while the 24 kilometres from lochranza to brodick on arran's east coast was a tad more strenuous. but the real hardship began when departing ardrossan by means of the designated cycle route initially leading only as far as irvine.
this particular route had been well-promoted by strathclyde regional council (as was), potentially offering a more palatable alternative to riding in the gutter along the irvine by-pass. sadly, the reality was a bit different.
the beginning of the cycle route was clearly signposted, but required scaling a kerb almost 25 centimetres in height. though bunny-hopping such a minimal loft would be small potatoes for even the most inept mountain biker, on a touring bicycle augmented with loaded front and rear panniers and a handlebar bag, it was a veritable mount everest, and hardly the best introduction to a specifically designed cycle route. as it transpired, that was possibly the leat of my worries.
the opening kilometre or so took valiant super-heroes along a raised path looking down on one of the area's less salubrious housing estates. lest you think i exaggerate, i had two substantial lengths of copper piping thrown at me as i headed south. and then, seemingly to solely add insult to injury, the half-barriers sited along the cycle-track where the latter met the roadway, were placed too close together to allow a loaded touring cycle to navigate their closeness without removal of the front panniers. bear in mind that leaving a pair of unattended panniers while still in close proximity to the aforementioned housing estate, was hardly the most astute move to consider.
on reaching the outskirts of irvine, the signposting deteriorated to the point where i was unable to find the way out of the town, by means of the cycle-route, and i had to resort to the roadway towards troon. i sent a letter to the appropriate department within strathclyde region, asserting that whomsoever had designed the cycle route was obviously not a cyclist themselves. i'm still awaiting a reply.
i believe that the ardrossan to ayr and beyond cycle route is a good deal more user-friendly nowadays, but if we consider such a relatively short route (approx 18 kilometres) to be small fry in the grand scheme of transport infrastructure, the fact that i described it as 'designed' is probably being overly generous. but consider how much of a considerable mess we'd all be in, if non-cyclists were to be responsible for creating the labyrinth through our towns and cities? fortunately, in order to forestall any likelihood of that happening, the smart folks at sustrans have adapted autoturn software 'to help engineers and town planners design streets that make cycling convenient and accessible for more people.'
autoturn software, until now, has been used principally to analyse movement of motor vehicles, but will now simulate accurate and real-life movemnt of cyclists. implementing the program helps planners to foresee any possible barriers on paths, hopefully ensuring that different types of cycles can expect smooth-flowing passage through towns and cities. sustrans' head of built environment, giulio ferrini stated:
"The lack of consistent, high quality cycling infrastructure across the UK means that many people don't see cycling as an everyday means of transport. sustrans believes this tool can play an instrumental role in opening up cycling to more people, as it clearly displays how different cycles move through space and their varying space requirements. This should ensure that local authorities and partners design streets and urban environments that are more practical, accessible and inclusive."
here's hoping that it's used to the degree that we all know that it should be, and that sustrans have sufficient clout and concomitant powers of persuasion where it matters most.
tuesday 3 december 2019
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